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User Topic: What If or Would They Have?
♂ 55
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The what if question got me thinking about another what if.

Do you believe your WS would have told you the truth, if they had never been caught? Even if you suspected and asked them if something was going on.

Do you believe they would have told you any truth if they weren't actually caught having an affair?

Posts: 7391 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: USA
♀ 43889
Member # 43889
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely not! My husband initially told me he went for a massage for the hour he wasn't answering my calls. Then when I told him what car he used and that it was parked outside a motel he then confessed. No way would they admit it unless they know you have proof.

Posts: 205 | Registered: Jun 2014
♂ 41920
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My. STBXWW would never have admitted a thing. She wouldn't even tell her IC - lied for 4 months to her own therapist!

XBH 50, 2DS
M 20 years
Now remarried to a faithful wife

Posts: 1579 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
♀ 34030
Member # 34030
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like hell he would have!!!!!!

No, he would not have told me. He would have kept on seeing her to see where this would lead to ( like he did not know)and how soon. I gathered this much from what he told me and I quote:" who knows what would have happened in the summer had we not gone away for such a long time?" he did not know what would have happened!!!
( edited for typos)

[This message edited by MammaMia at 7:14 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 950 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South
♀ 44013
Member # 44013
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I doubt it. Maybe a deathbed confession or something. The WS is so used to telling anything but the truth it would take a big shakeup in their life to confess.


Posts: 19 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: United States
♂ 36827
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell no!

My exPOS confessed to me; as much as "I like (an unnamed) someone from work" and "we never even held hands" is a confession of year long infidelity on D-Day. Would take another 9 months which was many months into the D process, for her to say it was sexual. Thank God for a very helpful BS, who clued me in on a ton of stuff.

Cheaters love to triangulate, say as much or as little as the situation dictates to serve their selfish needs... What scum they are.

D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 48
Xcheater 45
One DD 20
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...

Posts: 674 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ 44077
Member # 44077
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I caught my WH facebooking his ex. And he came out and told me about meeting a women on Craigslist, I had no idea and there was no evidence of it on his phone. So I guess he could have just kept it a secert and I would have never know.

BW 32
WH 32
Married 6 together 10, friends 20
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 3yr & 1DS 1month

Planing on giving birth, then sorting things out.
*update* perfect little boy just turned one. Where did the year go?

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Ontario
♂ 44159
Member # 44159
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, she would never have told, I'm pretty sure about that. She tried to pull the "you got the wrong idea, we're just friends" on me when I confronted her until she realized I already knew.

My personal opinion is that most affairs are never discovered, or at least not by both betrayed spouses - I don't know what percent, but I'd say more than half. Just look at the threads on here how many spouses catch their spouse cheating but never tell the affair partner's spouse. I'm aware of a lot of people catching their cheaters but I'm not aware of too many unsolicited confessions.

[This message edited by wk55hn at 7:42 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday)]

Posts: 4790 | Registered: Jul 2014
♀ 39682
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. I did ask and he assured me they were "just friends" and it would never be more than that. 3 mos later it went PA. Again I told him I was uncomfortable with their friendship and told him he seemed unhappy. He said he was very happy and that he wouldn't hang out with her or talk to her as much but it continued until she ended it.

He says he was thinking about confessing after but I honestly don't know if he would have.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 876 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Time Ticks On
♀ 33772
Member # 33772
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, he would have never told me.

FBW- 50
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 25 years- together 27

What doesn't kill me, scars me.

Posts: 2001 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Down South
♂ 42608
Member # 42608
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She was never going to tell me. For some bizarre reason she thought she was invisible after many confrontations and accusations and contacting POSOM separated wife and following her. She somehow thought I didn't know. I did not have hard proof. Only circumstantial evidence but a truck load of that. I had bad advice off the internet. I wish I would have found SI and avoided doing so many things wrong. When I finally wrote out all of the circumstatial evidence I had (which I had been advised on some website to never do - never disclose all of your cards) she confessed - 11 years later after a 3+ year LTA with a POSCOWOM. Minimum of weekly trysts. No she would not have told me except she then thought I knew more than she thought I knew. Pretty honest, huh.

BH(me)66; WW 60; M 40 yrs
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017

Posts: 2010 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Canada
♂ 40392
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, July 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way in hell. I did suspect something the first two weeks it started and indirectly asked what was going on. I was lied to and told I was the love of her life. I guess that was true in her mind except when she was fucking the other man.

Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 648 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
♀ 43252
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no way, he would've never told me the truth. Heck, he even kept lying once caught and I had all his emails. He made me think what I saw wasn't real.

I suspected for approx. 5 months, I asked, he denied. I caught things, he had reasons, he denied, I believed.

It wasn't until I found his secret email account he couldn't deny anymore.

Dday March 11, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.
Divorced 2/2016

Posts: 2505 | Registered: Apr 2014
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 2:18 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope !!!!! Shit, 10 years after D-day, a D and her moving in with another guy who she is supposedly marrying she still can't be honest with anyone about her past. My XWW has gone so far as to cutoff off friends and family simply because they know the truth about her sordid past. Matter of fact I'll bet a months income that she cheats on this poor bastard too. She cant help herself, she's in love with falling in love. Don't matter to her who gets hurt or whatever damage occurs. As long as she gets her love fix she is good. She has made a life out of lying and when someone catches her in one she just blames them, creates a story as to why they can no longer be in her life and shuts them like a leaky faucet. Needless to say she does not have many friends or family members left who interact with her. Its sad when you think about it, she is almost 50 and is still behaving like she did in her younger days. Some people just refuse to learn from their mistakes. And that's because they wont admit to the mistake in the first place.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 6851 | Registered: Nov 2007
Want To Wake Up
♀ 31583
Member # 31583
Default  Posted: 2:47 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I don't believe he would ever have told me.

In fact, I believe had I not found evidence and confronted him he would have continued on his merry way, he was having a ball, reliving his youth.

Heck, even when I found the condoms he denied, denied, denied. He said over and over... "I never would, never could", he accused me of being paranoid. It took undeniable photographic evidence for him to admit to it... and I don't count that as a "confession"

Me 54
WH 54
Met 1978
Married 1981
DDay 2009
Latest TT... Nov 2013 (yep, 2013... not a typo!)
"Adultery is not a symptom of a struggling marriage....a struggling marriage is a result of a person who can chose adultery."- saw this on SI

Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 35387
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 2:59 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. WH had told me flat out that he had no intention of telling me. The only reason I know is because OBS found ALL their sexting messages and was going to tell, so he made sure he told me first...because he's such a good guy and wanted to protect me from OBS.

Married 10 years, together for 12 years
2 children (9 years & 6 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 482 | Registered: Apr 2012
♂ 42292
Member # 42292
Default  Posted: 3:14 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think one of the main reasons I'm still around is, at least when I confronted my ww when my gut feeling was ready to burst, she confessed to the majority of it. Received a bit of TT, but at the time, I guess it didn't matter, since I was "done".

It leads me to believe, one of the qualities I love about my ww is still there. But yeah, thanks for the Shit sandwich.

Posts: 149 | Registered: Jan 2014
♀ 43334
Member # 43334
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way!!! He would have taken it to his grave. The only reason he had to admit something was when I got a phone call from OW husband. Even then I got the whole,"we're just friends" excuse. After TT I got more of the story. I still think there are some things that he's still holding onto that I will never know. If he could barely tell me when he was caught, there is no chance in hell he would have told me without being forced to.

Me: BW(46)
Him: WH (46)
D-Day #1 March 2002- 1 year EA then 4 month PA with co worker
D-Day #2 March 2012 - EA with different co-worker

It's funny how sometimes the people you'd take a bullet for,are the ones behind the trigger.

Posts: 60 | Registered: May 2014 | From: New England
♀ 31314
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope WH would have never confessed. He'll, he has never admitted to anything that I couldn't prove so ill never know if if the first two EA were ever physical. If they weren't its only because I caught him before it went that far.

I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Posts: 633 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
♀ 44149
Member # 44149
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way. Mine got busted when I checked the phone account and he still denied it. It wasn't until my DD found Facebook messages between him and OW did he confess to kissing her "one time". It was more than one time.....

Me - BW
M 20 years
DD #1 Jan 2013
DD #2 Apr 2013
Broke NC June '13 & Jan '15
In limbo for 15 months, three months reconciled Separated until October 2015. Currently reconciling.

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
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