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Hysterical Bonding.

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BrokenDoe posted 7/22/2014 19:49 PM

Um. I have read a bit about the whole hysterical bonding theory.

And well he just showed me he is clean no STI and I am 9 months pregnant and full of hormones. Would it really mess things up to ask him to help my relieve some of my built up ... I don't know what to put here.

I am not sure I would even want to reconcile later with him, I guess I just want some psychical comfort and release.

Has anyone else ever felt like this delt with this?

Am I crazy?

OK now posted 7/22/2014 19:57 PM

Depends so much on the individual, but if you are thinking of separating or divorcing later I would give it a miss.

I declined HB because i was so damn angry. I personally don't think my WH would have survived the experience.

healingroad posted 7/22/2014 19:57 PM

If you both want it, go for it. It's the only good part of recovery so might as well.

Red&Gray posted 7/22/2014 21:50 PM

I have sort of dealt with what you describe. Assuming you have not already, um ... made a decision, I'll answer your question with a question:

How will you feel tomorrow if you go through with it?

Your answer to that question is what matters most, IMO.

Red&Gray posted 7/22/2014 21:53 PM

Oh -- and no, you are not crazy. You're pregnant. It's a condition easily confused with crazy, but not clinically crazy.


MegM posted 7/22/2014 22:12 PM

This is your journey and whatever might bring you comfort is the most important thing.

If you do go ahead I can't recommend using protection enough. (I would say this even if you weren't pregnant - but obviously this weights the need even a little more).

I indulged - a lot - and my insistence on using a condom kept some boundaries in place for me - as well as keeping me safe from potential infections or diseases that he might have.

Your boundaries might be different - I have heard of ppl here on SI that set other boundaries about what they wouldn't allow to happen that helped them feel safe - while still allowing them the comfort of some intimacy.

For some reason I needed it. It was an educated risk that practicing safe sex helped to manage. I found comfort and release in our sex. Sometimes I cried during or after, sometimes I felt angry - but for some reason during that period abstaining was not an option for me.

If I decided later that I didn't want to reconcile so be it. I could still decide that now. The fact that I was having 'meaningless' sex with him in that period was irrelevant to my journey of reconciliation and I made that clear to him at the time - that it didn't mean anything with regard to the amount of work in front of us.

I say 'meaningless' - but the truth is it helped to reform the circle of 'us' once I had full disclosure.

But look after yourself - physically and emotionally.


neecee posted 7/22/2014 22:48 PM

I kicked my WH out the night I found out about his A. 6 weeks later I gave into my desires and we had the most amazing sex. We always had amazing sex, frequently,for 27 years!!! So I can relate to your situation and needs. Ultimately it brought us closet and was the first step that I needed to take to start taking down the wall I had built up around me. Intimacy always brought us closer, this time was no exception. The honeymoon stage lasted a good 2 weeks and then the reality of our "new" life set in. And it sucks!!!!
So I say YOU GO GIRL, GET YOUR GROOVE ON!!!! Enjoy it while it lasts!!!

Ostrich80 posted 7/23/2014 00:00 AM

I say go for it but first think about the question posted will you feel tomorrow. I have to say HB was some of the best sex I've had, However had I known he had gone undergrround with the A, I would have declined. I felt kinda shitty after I found out he was still seeing ow.

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