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Separated again

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Jls0320 posted 7/23/2014 00:26 AM

The past 2 wks we've pretty much been separated, he's not doing the work I need to heal and fix our marriage, blows me off, and isn't talking to me hardly at all....just acts like everything is peachy. We split in feb after my last dday and he swore would do anything to get me back. Yeah. I've had it, blew up last night and told him he needs to decide if he's going to fix his crap or move out...he doesn't know. So his pillow is now on the couch and looks like R is off the table. I'm so sad, I deserve better I know that, but I love this man and never in a million years thought he would put me through such hell

devasted30 posted 7/23/2014 01:34 AM

Jls0320 I'm sorry things are not going well right now. Remember R is damn hard and is not linear. Perhaps now is the time to implement the 180. Work on you and hopefully, he will come round to realizing that his work to fix this is far from over. (((Hugs)))

Charmedwren posted 7/23/2014 01:50 AM

Sorry to hear that reconciliation wasn't working. It doesn't work unless the WS is completely open and willing to do the hard work.
My WH moved out again last week too. It's devastating.

FixYou71 posted 7/23/2014 03:32 AM

Aww (((Jls0320))) I'm so sorry. That really must hurt. It's horrible when your only option left is detachment. I just am finishing writing a draft for a post in that exact subject. Kind of a mind movie analogy I had the other day.
Out of curiosity, and without knowing your story, has he done anything since dday at all to help you heal? Ic? Reading? Posting here? Anything? If you asked him what he's done or how he's changed what would he say?

jjsr posted 7/23/2014 07:20 AM

I am sorry. It sounds like you don't have a choice. He isn't doing what you need him to do so it sounds to me like he has made his choice.

Jls0320 posted 7/23/2014 12:44 PM

I'm definitely practicing the 180 today, I plan to pick my kids up after work and go have fun just the 3 of us and go to dinner with them. He can suck it. He has stopped all of his wayward behaviors, but stopped IC and SA meetings 2 months ago. That was my requirement for R, he's failed. As far as reading, posting, anything else he has not done any of it. I think he's still in denial about the seriousness of his actions, when he was in IC and meetings I saw a huge positive change in him and our relationship, but he won't do the work anymore. I also think he may be depressed, but he will not seek treatment.

FixYou71 posted 7/23/2014 21:06 PM

I'm so sorry.

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