Next week is our 22nd. I am spending this week with friends at the beach and will be returning on our anniversary.
While I am in limbo, WH is supposedly "all in" for R. He is attending IC, while I wait for MC to resume after Dday 2.
So - he checked out of our marriage for 2 years. And his efforts at R have been a bit lacking.
Do we even acknowledge the day? In some ways, I feel THAT marriage is over. And I don't feel the love to declare a "new start".
We're still friends and talking...but it by no means will be a romantic evening.
How did you cope with this? I am afraid it will be a Trigger Day.
I think it's really important that you share your feelings with your H. If you don't want to acknowledge your anniversary, that's ok, there's nothing wrong with that. Just don't bottle your feelings up.
If you don't let your H know what's going on inside your heart and head it will lead to confusion on his part, triggers for you, resentment and a host of other things that can easily be avoided if you sit down and talk to him.
Anniversary's are hard in the beginning...you are definitely not alone with feeling this way.
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
If we do anythg it will be all on him. Which means we probably wont do anythg
I know my WH can't read my mind, but I certainly do wish he would show some initiative!
Aside from our wedding anniversary, there are a lot of "trigger anniversaries" coming up.
The next few months are going to be hell. And very painful.
Imissmyhusb: Sorry you are going through this too.
I guess I'll contact him and tell him no cards or gifts. This is so very hard - How long DO we say we are married?
False R is like someone putting frosting on a rotten cake.
At this point, I do what feels right and keep open lines of communication...
I guess I don't want to give our anniversary date up, but it feels false to say we're 'celebrating' our 22nd.
But I told him on the phone: no card, no gifts please.
It's going to take a while to get over this second betrayal and hopefully MC will help. Cuz I'm just confused and in limbo.
I'm just wondering if my DS (19) will take note of the day and how we're behaving....
I was going to be mad if he tried to celebrate and mad if he did nothing(very mature, I know).
Areukiddingme: I think I was in ^^ this place, too.
So, we'll probably go out to dinner & talk about my beach trip and his IC session. And all the nasty trigger dates that are coming up.
Thanks everyone for the input!
We picked a new anniversary date and we picked the date that we first saw our MC. That date has a lot more meaning to us than the other one now. It just so happens that we can drop a "2" and have our new anniversary come out correctly. This year will be our 23rd year of being married, but we will be celebrating our 3rd year of our new marriage.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
How did you acknowledge your wedding anniversary while dealing with recovery from your spouse's affair?
Our 29th anniv was weekend before last.
At first, I wanted nothing to do with it, and WW respected that decision. She even whited out the notation on the calendar.
About a week before, I asked her if she'd want to prepare a date for us that night, and she agreed.
It was the best night I've had since dday. Dinner overlooking a bay, then a walk down to a beach after where we said what our intentions were for the coming year, and lit a floating lantern. The first lantern failed, we lit a second one (appropriately? called it plan B [one of my biggest fears]) and sent it to the sky. Some triggers happened, but she was there for them. For being only 4 months out, we did great, and it was because of WW efforts.
BH (Me) 49
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R
In one respect, I also like the idea of celebrating another date: such as first visit to MC or maybe the date we BOTH decide to try to RECONCILIATE at the same time!
At the very least, if someone asks me how long I've been married, I'll be subtracting 2 years..