This is one of my biggest issues with my wifes PA/EA.
I feel that it always seems to get turned back to me. That I drove her into doing what she did.
And I can see a point to that. I did have an EA that lasted a long time. WHen I was in it, I rationalized it just as a friendship, but I did cross the line and I am truly sorry for it.
After her D-day when she looked through my text messages I never tried to shift blame like that. Eventhough she had sex with another man in our house, I refused to try and blame my actions on what she had done to me 10 years prior.
Yes, I was still hurt from what she did to me. I also think its safe to say that had my wife never had an affiar then I never would've been open to the same. But I would never say those words to my wife. I do not want to blame what I did on her. I want to take full responsibility for my actions.
Now that the roles are reversed once again, she refuses to take responsibility. She says she is, but then quickly follows up with she doesn't feel as remorseful because of what I had done, and how she felt. She said she doesnt feel as bad because she feels that our marriage is already broken and while she didn't help things, she didn't do that damage that I had done.
Its just very frustrating. I'm not downplaying my role in this mess that we are in, but I also think she is understating her role...its like whatever she did is in the distant past and it cannot be brought up now, and everything I did is like it happened yesterday.