Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD
Is it possible after infidelity????
Perhaps, it really depends on the person.
I really like Brene Brown. I want to live an authentic life, embracing vulnerability and intimacy. No games with my H. No hidden insecurities. I want to have love and trust that is given and returned equally and without fear.
Yes, this is what we all want, but this is often what WS hide from BS. They think they want intimacy, but what they want is compartmentilized intimacy. They want to have a domestic life then put other aspects into the outside bucket. We want the outside bucket to be an inside bucket where we get all of them but they are too selfish or insecure or whatever to let us into that world, that is why they need someone they can risk with, simple risks and if it does not turn out well, they can or think they can just, "walk away"..no harm no foul?!
Maybe I need to heal more...or be braver...but I just can't see that it's possible after infidelity.
It is possible but yes, sooooooo rare to get. Now betrayed three times, likely more EAs not disclosed it seems impossible to think that intimacy and trust can be fixed and if you knew me you would be surprised since I am one of the most optomistic persons I've ever met, and I meet alot of people like me...professionals, successful people, wealthy people, people some would think that this kind of stuff doesn't happen to...it happens to everyone except those who do not risk in love.
It seems almost super human to completely trust again. To believe that he is telling me the complete truth. To believe that he will ALWAYS remain radically honest and loyal.
Well, take it from someone who completely trusted again and then years later found out about all kinds of Bull Shit and cheating and EAs and new PA...when forgiveness is given then broken again the pain cannot be measured.
You should only forgive and trust again if you are willing to be cut to the core on another affair. You have to know you know why the affair happened, you need to know it was fixed (his mind), otherwise you will be like me...sitting in IC and in disbelief about yet another train wreck that my life has become...only this time little children complicate matters far far worse....
You have to be able to take the risk and be courageous. Yes you are more courageous than your husband, sounds odd, nope its true, if he was not a coward (sorry to insult him), he would never have had an affair behind your back and put the OW on her back....nope, never. COWARDS.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4)