Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: octo8 (61864)

User Topic: Split Self affairs
♂ 39579
Member # 39579
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In IC now and am being taken down this path. Anyone ever heard of it and if so any thoughts.

Basically it is the theory that two personalities exit, in my case a tightly wound, buttoned up dude that knew he had to clean up his act and do all the right things-good husband, good father, etc. Only dealt with the typical male emotions of anger and rage because of societal norms and upbringing. Had the wild side full of emotions, but kept that tamped down because that was not allowed in the tightly wound world that was expected/required. Never merged the two or learned how to blend and continue to be a productive citizen. Kept things tamped down until choosing to let loose and dove into an affair. Not providing an excuse that allowed the affair because that part was a choice, but rather the why it was close to the surface and came out when chosen/allowed.

Still exploring and looking for the why. Just wondering if anyone has heard of this and any helpful thoughts.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 30891
Member # 30891
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by GetEvenInAZ at 7:37 AM, July 24th (Thursday)]

Me: BW (44)
now xH (44)
20 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, and up to 5 - make it 6 DDays

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: gilbert AZ
♂ 40484
Member # 40484
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds to me like just another psycho-babble excuse for selfish, entitled behaviour.
But if this percieved scenario is the catalyst for real change, then who am I to judge whether it's a valid path or not?

[This message edited by SlowUptake at 8:08 AM, July 24th (Thursday)]

Her:BS,50+ (WantToWakeUp)
Married 33yrs
Dday Dec 2009

"Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few." Pythagoras

There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

Posts: 390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Limbo in Oz
♂ 42047
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds like a good start. You are learning what happened. That's the first step.

What you wrote doesn't sound like "why" yet to me. Why didn't you let emotions out, why were you afraid to acknowledge anger, why did you think an A eas acceptible instead of all the healthy things you could have done.

You have started, but you have a lot ahead of ukulele. Keep moving forward.

Me: WH (40s)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 911 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
♂ 35566
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like compartmentalization. I used that as a major coping skill.

Now figure out why that was your go-to method to deal with life. Look at your past, your childhood, when you first started to use that.

Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D

Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
♀ 42651
Member # 42651
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a little similar to one of my why-s. My IC says it's common that someone like me who was fairly wild during my youth, then straightened up big time for marriage/work/family to fall off the wagon in a big way when the right type of A presented itself. It's a neat way to explain my A, but the more I dig there's a lot more at play. A history of having poor boundaries, wanting to be validated, a relationship with my H that hadn't be worked on with mid life crisis on top for good measure.

The one good take away from the wild child reason was to look for appropriate ways to have challenges and thrills. Not sure if it feeds the wild child beast or not, but the ideas we've come up with sure keep me busy.

[This message edited by familyfirst at 1:17 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]

Posts: 507 | Registered: Mar 2014
♂ 39579
Member # 39579
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, July 27th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the posts on this. I really have a bunch of questions for IC this week. I think my BS would agree with Slow and Something. I thought I might be on a track for the why, but like I said I've got a lot of questions for IC. Saw a topic on here about it so I'll review the forum before my appointment so I can have a better discussion.

Anybody have any posts/Library info that they think would be a good resource?

Posts: 3 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 7

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.