Otoh - it was over a year ago. He knows damn good and well that I know he lied and he has told me about other aspects of the affair so is it really necessary in my healing to beat him over the head with telling him that I know he lied about the texting only being business?
It's a minor trigger - no puddles of tears, no road rage, etc. It's just sort of one of those where I want to prove myself right and him a liar. NOT conducive to healing. Right?
[This message edited by stunnedin12 at 9:28 PM, July 23rd (Wednesday)]
Healing happened for me each and every time I could share my pain and he was able to comfort me. It takes time and lots of practice.
We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.
StandingonMarble, thank you for your perspective in regards to healing. Very true.
I didn't bring it up last night but in our nightly bucket of questions, the question he drew out of the bucket to ask me was this... "What is something of great importance you have lost?" My answer was, "his love". We didn't discuss it further, but it's out there.
If you are really bothered because of the lie, I agree with the wording Lark used. You don't need to fight about it but it is important you are heard.
Triggers are tricky. I would tell my husband about ones when I was having trouble or hurting. The little triggers that I could quietly move through I didn't bother. Being able to count on my husband when I needed support was important but just as important was my ability to work through triggers and feelings on my own. I needed to learn to trust and lean on me.
So yes. Speak up if you dwell on something longer than a few hours. They need to know the impact of their actions.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.