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Is this a sign? WS Welcome

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 deena04 (original poster member #41741) posted at 12:43 PM on Thursday, July 24th, 2014

The further out we get and more concrete in D plans I decide, I find that I am "noticing" other men. I was content and in love with my hubby until finding out that I didn't even know him. I have not and will not act on this until our situation is done, but I find others interesting and wonder about the dating world down the road. Is this a solid sign that I am on the right path of getting out of this mess? Do others that finally decide to D start feeling this way once coming to a solid decision about D? Again, not acting on it, but honestly am feeling like it would be nice to move forward someday and not alone.

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3352   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6883726
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ChangeMaker ( member #43899) posted at 1:36 PM on Thursday, July 24th, 2014

I am feeling this way myself. Last night, a woman asked me to play tennis with her this weekend and I accepted. I'm not going to let anything happen yet either, but I'm definitely noticing the attention of women - something I never paid any heed to while in a relationship.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

DDay - June 2014
DD 2008 & 2011
Divorced April 1, 2015

posts: 2336   ·   registered: Jun. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Ontario
id 6883781
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DrJekyll ( member #43618) posted at 3:42 PM on Thursday, July 24th, 2014

My BS has not set in on D. We are still working for R. But in our discussions she has told me: "before she never looked. But now with the huge challenge to her world view and self confidence she notices more people." I think that this is completely normal.

A wound can be stitched shut, but it decides when it will heal on its own.

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

I do not PM with Women

Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny. C.S.Lewis

posts: 1266   ·   registered: Jun. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Midwest
id 6883923
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NeverAgain2013 ( member #38121) posted at 4:43 PM on Thursday, July 24th, 2014

I think once you lose respect for your cheating spouse, you see things a little differently. Sometimes, part of that process also includes losing some of the emotional investment you had in them as well (it did for me, anyway). While I wasn't ready to jump headfirst into another committed relationship after I moved out of his place and into my own, I sure wasn't going to sit in the dark every night for the next 5 months, crying into my beer and lamenting my loss, either. At that point, I felt like I'd already invested more time in him than I should have, and wasn't going to waste any more time on him.

And I didn't.

You sound as though you're starting to see the possibilities of one day being free to meet other people and enjoying being single again.

I loved it. I highly recommend it.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

posts: 6327   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6884015
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HeBrokeVows ( member #43252) posted at 4:48 PM on Thursday, July 24th, 2014

I swore up and down I would never ever be in another relationship or even look at another man. But here I am 4 1/2 months out and I realize the past few weeks I don't need To bury my love life with this marriage. The thought of remarrying seems still something I would never want but I do believe I deserve to be loved and respected some day when this is all said and done. I just don't know how it would happen when all my energy is in my children. There's nothing left to nurture another relationship.

Dday March 11, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.
Divorced 2/2016

posts: 2543   ·   registered: Apr. 27th, 2014
id 6884021
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 deena04 (original poster member #41741) posted at 6:26 PM on Thursday, July 24th, 2014

Yes; your statements all ring true. I'm not ready or willing to do that yet, but see that it could happen down the road. It seems like part of the realization that I'm done. My fear was that it would come off wrong when I brought it up. Just wondering if I'm normal-ish. :)

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3352   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6884162
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healingroad ( member #41920) posted at 6:29 PM on Thursday, July 24th, 2014

Wow is this ever true. For the first time in decades I'm really paying attention to the women around me. And noticing that some of them are looking back.

posts: 1579   ·   registered: Jan. 4th, 2014   ·   location: California
id 6884165
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