SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

deena04 posted 7/24/2014 06:43 AM

The further out we get and more concrete in D plans I decide, I find that I am "noticing" other men. I was content and in love with my hubby until finding out that I didn't even know him. I have not and will not act on this until our situation is done, but I find others interesting and wonder about the dating world down the road. Is this a solid sign that I am on the right path of getting out of this mess? Do others that finally decide to D start feeling this way once coming to a solid decision about D? Again, not acting on it, but honestly am feeling like it would be nice to move forward someday and not alone.

ChangeMaker posted 7/24/2014 07:36 AM

I am feeling this way myself. Last night, a woman asked me to play tennis with her this weekend and I accepted. I'm not going to let anything happen yet either, but I'm definitely noticing the attention of women - something I never paid any heed to while in a relationship.

DrJekyll posted 7/24/2014 09:42 AM

My BS has not set in on D. We are still working for R. But in our discussions she has told me: "before she never looked. But now with the huge challenge to her world view and self confidence she notices more people." I think that this is completely normal.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/24/2014 10:43 AM

I think once you lose respect for your cheating spouse, you see things a little differently. Sometimes, part of that process also includes losing some of the emotional investment you had in them as well (it did for me, anyway). While I wasn't ready to jump headfirst into another committed relationship after I moved out of his place and into my own, I sure wasn't going to sit in the dark every night for the next 5 months, crying into my beer and lamenting my loss, either. At that point, I felt like I'd already invested more time in him than I should have, and wasn't going to waste any more time on him.

And I didn't.

You sound as though you're starting to see the possibilities of one day being free to meet other people and enjoying being single again.

I loved it. I highly recommend it.

HeBrokeVows posted 7/24/2014 10:48 AM

I swore up and down I would never ever be in another relationship or even look at another man. But here I am 4 1/2 months out and I realize the past few weeks I don't need To bury my love life with this marriage. The thought of remarrying seems still something I would never want but I do believe I deserve to be loved and respected some day when this is all said and done. I just don't know how it would happen when all my energy is in my children. There's nothing left to nurture another relationship.

deena04 posted 7/24/2014 12:26 PM

Yes; your statements all ring true. I'm not ready or willing to do that yet, but see that it could happen down the road. It seems like part of the realization that I'm done. My fear was that it would come off wrong when I brought it up. Just wondering if I'm normal-ish. :)

healingroad posted 7/24/2014 12:29 PM

Wow is this ever true. For the first time in decades I'm really paying attention to the women around me. And noticing that some of them are looking back.