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Newest Member: WOPR (61467)

User Topic: Recovery Timeline (WH welcome to comment)
♀ 42419
Member # 42419
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can someone direct me to, or repost the recovery timeline? I know I saw it somewhere but I can't recall. I am 4 months out from his total admission of the affair but really know in my heart that something wasn't right since Dec. 2, 2013. I guess that makes it 7 months. R started out well but began to go downhill by 2 months in. I have gone through a tsunami of emotions, and he is back to fence sitting (not seeing AP but not sure about saving the M). I know my anxiety puts him in this "She's never going to get over this" funk. I, in turn, worry he's hiding something again (emotions, thoughts, contact?) It is a vicious cycle. I would love a guide that shows a timeline of stages in R. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? He's not the ideal WH that actually tries to work on things. He's leaving me to do the work. I think I'm done being the only one working as I know that won't result in anything. I'd like to know if the ambivalence hangs around a while in early R.

Him- FWH 1 yr+LTA w/ COW
DDay Dec 2013
R March 2015
Happy Again

Posts: 76 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never seen a recovery timeline before. I don't think one exists. It is generally accepted that it takes 2-5 years to recover. However, that clock is set from the last known hurt. I'd say your clock hasn't even started yet since you husband is fence sitting.

I'm glad you mentioned getting tired of this, because the method you've ussed to date isn't a likely one for success. Why does he get to be in the driver's seat? Why isn't he on his knees begging you to give him a chance, and that he'll do anything? Why hasn't he freely offered up transparency and accountability?

Sorry I'm not being more "postive." I just don't want you short selling yourself. You deserve so much more.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 8014 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 35593
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Google Kubler-Ross stages of grief. Very similar to A recovery stages. The time line generally spoken of here is the A time line provided by the WS.

Your H should be experiencing grief along side of you. If you do not see this in him, maybe his efforts are just to appease you and not a true acceptance of his A and its effects on your M. Problems can exist when grief healing moves at different paces for individuals, much as what happens between siblings when a parent dies.

I am afraid your healing and timeline is stuck due to your H and his ambivalence toward your M. Until he is all in, you will not move forward.

[This message edited by Lovedyoumore at 12:35 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]

Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R

Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose

Posts: 3451 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
♀ 38789
Member # 38789
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, July 24th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a timeline of sorts in the healing library. Remember though that this experience is different for everyone so don't get too set on what the timeline says.

Me: 31 BS
Him:33 WS
Dday 3+ years ago
2 sons

Forgiveness means understanding, acceptance and giving up on looking back.

Posts: 288 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 42419
Member # 42419
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you to all. I agree, he is not doing his part of R. Time to go back to the old drawing board, or find a lawyer. Sick of this...

Him- FWH 1 yr+LTA w/ COW
DDay Dec 2013
R March 2015
Happy Again

Posts: 76 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 5

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