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Unagie posted 7/24/2014 13:00 PM

So this guy came to the house today to install internet and phone line for my new job. My office space is in my bedroom and I wanted the box set up there. I was still in pajamas when he arrived, nothing crazy just tank top and shorts. Answered the doo and felt uncomfortable as soon as he introduced himself. Immediately I thought it was me, I began questioning myself. Why do you feel uncomfortable? Because of this person. Why does he make you feel uncomfortable? Because of the way he looked at me. Why did that look make you feel that way? Because I would have taken it as ego kibbles before and now it just makes me feel icky. I got to this conclusion and immediately told xSO to watch the guy and went and changed into jeans and a t-shirt to make me feel more comfortable. I then had to check to make sure the connection worked. I dont have space in my house so my desk is against the wall and I pull it forward for work while I sit on the edge of my bed. I sit where I usually would to begin testing the connection and immediately feel uncomfortable again. I try rushing through it. The guy sees an Xbox controller on the bed next to my laptop and asks how xSO uses it. I tell him I used it and it was a usb connection while simultaneously trying to connect to the internet that's not working. He then begins telling me about how he met his girlfriend through playing games and how they used to go go school together and how he used to get bothered in school and my discomfort raised even higher. I nodded and gave short responses. My internet began working and I said thanks. He left and I felt no need to walk him out just locked the door behind him.

I realized he was crossing boundaries that I have placed and I didnt allow myself to cross them. It catches me by surprise sometimes when I realize I have boundaries now that I am proud of.

[This message edited by Unagie at 1:00 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]

BrokenButTrying posted 7/24/2014 13:47 PM

Well done Unagie, you're making good solid progress and handled the situation really well.

NoGoodUsername posted 7/24/2014 18:30 PM

Good job on that. Your boundaries got pressed more than once there and you held firm. Nice going.

tooanalytical posted 7/25/2014 06:22 AM

I love when my fww exhibits new healthy boundaries and you certainly did here. My only observation is to try and avoid situations that could increase the likelihood that they will be tested.

For example, I wouldn't go out to lunch or dinner alone with a coworker of the opposite sex. Or in a group party I wouldn't stay behind or be the last "two" there. Why test myself? KWIM?

I'm not sure if it was a scheduled call for you, but as a BH I wouldn't feel comfortable if my fww stayed in her pajama shorts knowing a service man was coming into the house that morning.

authenticnow posted 7/25/2014 06:30 AM

I'm not sure if it was a scheduled call for you, but as a BH I wouldn't feel comfortable if my fww stayed in her pajama shorts knowing a service man was coming into the house that morning.

As a woman, I wouldn't feel comfortable for me!

Unagie posted 7/25/2014 07:53 AM

It was a scheduled call with one of those 4 hour time frames and thats totally on me. I woke up and was cleaning. Thought I still had time but should definitely had changed earlier.

somethingremorse posted 7/25/2014 09:05 AM

I realized he was crossing boundaries that I have placed and I didnt allow myself to cross them. It catches me by surprise sometimes when I realize I have boundaries now that I am proud of.

I get it. It really is eye-opening to see how other people act. Yesterday I was at a baseball game with a group of people from my office and clients. I was disgusted how the guys were interacting with the women around us and our waitresses.

A year ago, I would have been at the head of the pack.

God, what an asshole I used to be.

FixYou71 posted 7/28/2014 23:46 PM

T/J
SomethingRemorse,

God, what an asshole I used to be.

That made me smile and feel proud of you all at the same time (and I don't even know you). I love it when assholes stop being assholes!!!
Good for you!

Unagie

Good job on shifting your boundaries until you internalized them! You should feel proud too!

[This message edited by FixYou71 at 11:48 PM, July 28th (Monday)]

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