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Newest Member: Alone73 (46062)

User Topic: Poem from healing the child within
DrJekyll
♂ 43618
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Charles C. Finn
September 1966


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

I do not PM with Women


Posts: 903 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Midwest
pizzalover
♀ 38336
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Just wow. Thanks for sharing.

[This message edited by pizzalover at 3:44 PM, July 25th (Friday)]


Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 40 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09


Posts: 530 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is amazing.

I wonder: have you read The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson? She does a lot of work healing the inner child, which both stbx and I found helpful.

This is a really, really powerful poem. You should be really proud of it, and the insight it demonstrates.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9163 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
LosferWords
♂ 30369
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Amazing and powerful, DrJ. Thank you for sharing this.


There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Posts: 8302 | Registered: Dec 2010
yearsofpain25
♂ 42012
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, July 25th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing this. I can very much relate to it. Very moving.

yop


"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll

Posts: 2489 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, July 26th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautiful and poignant. Thanks for posting this.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5746 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ThatGuyNoMore
♂ 42899
Member # 42899
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, July 26th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely saw myself in this poem. Thanks for sharing.


Me and BW 48
Married 22 years, 4 kids
D-Day 3/5/14
I lied to everyone, including myself.

Posts: 282 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: US
Topic Posts: 7

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