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Fighting with Friends

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Aubrie posted 7/25/2014 13:16 PM

It's a new concept. Traditionally, I would have a friendship, when the inevitable disagreement hit, we would go our separate ways. (Just like FOO)

This week, a friend asked for advice. She and I are alike in many ways. Ya know how you can always see everything so clear in everyone else's sitch, but it seems so muddy in your own? Yeah, this was kinda going on. Anyway, we talked off and on for a couple hours. And somewhere, it took a weird turn. She got defensive, and I wasn't expressing myself well. Then I got the "I just need to take a step back" line.

I was ready to puke. Because it was a fight. And I knew I wasn't expressing myself well. And my friend was hurting and confused. And I couldn't figure out how to re-word what I was trying to say. And now she wanted space. I knew how this would end. My heart started to hurt.

Only, because of the over analyzer that she is, she couldn't walk away. We switched gears. Slowed wayyyyy down. Somehow I was able to rephrase in a way that "clicked" for her. I had revelations, she had revelations. And at the end of the day, we were still friends. In fact, I think it helped us both drop walls that we still had up.

Fighting is ok. Disagreeing is ok. People are people. We are human. And we're gonna make mistakes. I would rather have a friend who made mistakes and apologized, than someone who is "perfect". (Cause no offense, but how fake would you have to be to be "perfect" all the time?) I want someone who will tactfully shoot straight, rather than someone who tells me only what they think I wanna hear.

I have authentic humans in my life. The flawed people who get up and keep going. The hot messes who try to chill out. The broken who are gluing their pieces back together. Because they see their issues, and they are trying to become better. They aren't hiding behind a wall, they aren't pretending to be perfect. And I don't have to either. I am who I am. Pretending is over. Walls are down. What you see is what you get.

So yeah. Yay friends. Yay disagreeing and working it out. Yay life.

somethingremorse posted 7/25/2014 13:48 PM

Thanks for that.

I have found since DDay, I don't have people to talk to deeply. Or maybe the truth is that I feel uncomfortably talking to others. It is nice to hear what you wrote.

authenticnow posted 7/25/2014 15:19 PM

I hear you, Aubrie! Good for you!

LosferWords posted 7/25/2014 15:22 PM

Reminds me of that Dumbledore quote from Harry Potter: "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends."

Glad you were able to communicate with each other and work things out.

Ascendant posted 7/25/2014 21:22 PM

"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends."

I forgot about that one. Very profound, and very true.

Great job, Aubrie.

Unagie posted 7/25/2014 22:22 PM

You know you have it in you Aubrie, good job!

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