I am kind of seeing this as a way to show her who I am and can be and really step up
I see no problem with that, so long as you are letting go of the outcome of your M. No matter how you "step up" she will probably still D you. Can you handle that?
do I completely never mention the cheating or answer questions if she asks now?
Ask her for ground rules, and follow them. Seriously, I suggest you two have a written agreement about what you do, and do not, talk about. Your job is to take care of the house, and kids, and nurse her through for the health of your baby. If she wants you to keep your emotions completely to yourself, that is what you do.
My fear is I will f*** it up because I always do.
Dude. Suck it up! This isn't about you, your "devastation" or your "desperation," it's about the health of your wife and baby.
[This message edited by 20WrongsVs1 at 4:31 PM, July 26th, 2014 (Saturday)]
You need to do all of these things, still expecting the D. And do them anyway. not bitterly or resentfully. but because you love her.
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
I do not PM with Women
Follow up appt tomorrow. She will go alone. She does not want me there or to have any say in anything at this point. We tried R and still were going to R after D once she decided that she needed D. Now she just wants out. She told me last night that this is a nightmare being stuck together now. She is asking a few friends if any of them would help out and move in so I can move out. I don't want to move. She wants me gone. I have not spent one night away from her in five years. I don't want to start now. :(
I will leave if she needs me to but hoping she needs me to stay instead. I can do things for her and keep her and our little one as safe as possible if I am here.
I agree with 20W and DJ. Make some ground rules with BW and stick to them, support her in every way. Step up and do it right. Put the thoughts about fucking up out of your head, focus on her and her needs.
It is hard taking care of the house and kids single handedly at a time like this, I do it too so I can relate to what you're feeling. Sometimes there's so much to do and so many people relying on you and you're already so broken, it's overwhelming and you don't know how to cope, right?
In times like that take a few minutes in the garden, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth and say 'I can do this' out loud. Calm yourself down, make a list of things that are a priority at that moment and then do them. Because you can do it!
No one said this was easy. Well done for sticking with the reading and working on you, you're on the right path.
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. We can do this.
Hang in there.