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sorrowfulmate posted 7/26/2014 18:17 PM

My BW and I are at my inlaws vacation house this weekend.

Last time we were here I was involved in my A.

The last time here was to give us some "us" time. No kids no dog.

During this time my AP was texting me and angry at me for being with my wife. I got so caught up in trying to talk her down via text that I basically ignored my wife.

To make matters even worse I gave my AP a sweatshirt from the area that my BW bought for me.

So we made it early this morning and we slept in the living room. Today has been a day of triggers for each of us.

Mine are major waves of sorrow and remorse for being such an selfish asshat. I have tainted so many different aspects of our lives that it seems that triggers are everywhere.

Her's are the thoughts of being up here basically alone because I was off in fantasyland. Remembering that I gave AP something from a place that was so special to us. The sweatshirt had something on it that is all over the place here. So there are triggers all over.

But here we are none the less.

Right now one of the thoughts I have had is "Thank God I never brought AP here for a visit." I have tainted this place way too much as it is with just her knowing I was texting AP while we were together on a trip that was supposed to be for us.

This time I have been on my phone for less than an hour today. Most of that was to look over SI.

So keep us in your thoughts please.

sorrowfulmate posted 7/26/2014 18:18 PM

Oh this time we brought the kids and the dog.

DrJekyll posted 7/26/2014 18:33 PM

One of the biggest things my BS and I do is: build and reclaim memories. Some things that is possible some things are not possible at this point. So be considerate. Be compassionate. Have a good time. As good as it can be. But be open with your BS and if it gets to be too much for her leave early. Sometimes we leave early, sometimes my BS wants to push through.

Imabrokenman posted 7/26/2014 23:11 PM

Even though you never brought the AP there, you brought her there, at least in BS eyes. She sees the fact that AP was there when it was supposed to be just the 2 of you.

You can't blame her for that. She WAS there if you were texting her in the middle of your time together.

Be understanding of her feelings. She feels that the 2 of you were together, so therefore you were.

sorrowfulmate posted 7/27/2014 14:08 PM

I completely own the fact that I injected AP into this.

Today we went to a nearby town so I could get to an AA meeting. We are having a good time but it does creep in at points.

We are back and taking the kids to a place.

Doing my best to be mindful of her and how she is doing.

rachelc posted 7/27/2014 17:52 PM

To make matters even worse I gave my AP a sweatshirt from the area that my BW bought for me.

I really hope you apologized a lot for this....

deena04 posted 7/27/2014 20:08 PM

BS here and hope that's ok...
First, maybe try something you both enjoy to build memories with while you're there. Is there something your spouse would enjoy while there?
Next, I give you credit for owning it and trying. Keep up the hard work. Maybe make a special dinner for your spouse or a massage to unwind. Whatever might be a nice surprise if you think it will be received well. Good luck!!

Ascendant posted 7/27/2014 20:34 PM

I'm sorry that your BS is having a rough time of it. I know I would be.

Part of the reason this particular aspect of the affair sucks so much for us is that not only did our WS cheat, but many times it feels like they went out of their way to include the AP in events that should have been 'family only'.

Being part of a family unit is a privilege, with it's own history, shared beliefs, inside knowledge, etc. Finding out that your spouse was not only cheating during the time period, but also contacting(or pining for) their AP during periods of family-only activities is devastating.

The feeling is akin to being sexually assaulted and then looking back through an old photo album only to realize that somehow the assailant was in the background of every photo. During your every happiest moment, that *thing* was there watching from the wings. It taints those moments...potentially forever, but certainly for a long, long time.

I don't say that to pile on you, just to help you get inside your wife's headspace a bit.

sorrowfulmate posted 7/27/2014 20:40 PM

I don't mind. Everyone helps me that is why I post here. I know I set off a nuke beneath her. I tainted so much of our lives with this.

Again thanks to everyone's posts. You guys are a lifeline.

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