BS - Me
Spent about an hour starting to go through things in DS's bedroom. Throwing away the obvious trash and leaving other stuff for another time. Couldn't do it for much longer, too difficult. Had to get the process going without ex because he feels a need to keep everything and make a shrine out of it. I am a little more practical and don't see the point of keeping a half eaten candy bar or underwear. Ran across his stack of Playboy mags and it made me chuckle. We are a very open family, and I knew he had them. In fact, DD22 bought him the subscription for his 18th birthday gift! So with a smile, I put them in a trash bag. There is SO much more to do, but plan to do a little at a time to keep it emotionally manageable.
Also finished up a memorial cross to put on the front of his mud truck. This was his very first vehicle, a '86 Ford F-150, that he converted for mudding (big tires, lift kit, etc.). That was his baby, known affectionately as Ol' Blue. It has been sitting in my yard and I have lovingly been starting it up and driving short distances to rotate the tires throughout his enlistment. Still do it. He told me he would never get rid of her, so she will stay with me (along with his regular truck and motorcycle) wherever I go. I told DDs to think about Ol' Blue's future because eventually she will fall in their lap.
Between my vehicle, DD17's jacked up truck, and all of DS's vehicles, my yard looks like a used car lot!
I have also found a solution for all DS's military ACUs. It's not like anyone can really use them. A friend of my deceased brother offered to make a quilt for me. I asked her if she would make two, and she readily agreed. She is going to make a quilt out of DS's military clothing for each DD, and she is going to create a hand with a pen on the reverse side so I can write a letter to each DD. I ran the idea by ex and he was actually on board (not before saying, "But I want xyz first..."). This will be a surprise for the girls I think they will really find meaningful.
I also found sterling silver lockets for them (and me) that are in the shape of angel's wings that I am going to put his pic in along with a lock of hair I had the funeral director get for me (he gave me plenty for three lockets). The girls know the significance of DS's hair to me, so this should really hit home with them in a positive way.
Lastly, I found some of his extra dog tags. I also found a place online where I could order custom dog tags. I am going to give each DD one of his dog tags with a custom tag on a chain that is imprinted with, " Forever remembered, always loved" along with his name and birth/death dates. They don't know this is coming their way either...
I know they will be touched, and I hope they appreciate the effort. I really don't need physical stuff from him because he is always with me in my memories and my heart.
Very bittersweet indeed, but I'm okay.
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - 2 adult DDs - DS20 Deceased
~Indifference - Because some people do not deserve your emotions.~
I edit often because my tablet is possessed!