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kellyAnn65 posted 7/27/2014 13:32 PM

Well my husband will be home soon from being with his girlfriend....I am not sure how to act when he gets here should I be nice to him when he gets here ?? I don't know I have so many emotions going through my head right now and the knot that will not leave my stomach

confused615 posted 7/27/2014 13:37 PM

I don't know your story, since this is your first post, and you have nothing in your profile.

But my first reaction't be nice to him. He has a you are sharing your husband with OW? Fuck that. No don't be nice. Find your bitch boots and tell him he can either go no contact with OW or he can GTFO. Maybe have all his shit packed in hefty bags when he gets home..and if he refuses to make a choice..take the hefty bags and take them to OW's house and leave them on the porch.

You are not Plan B. You are his wife. He can either understand that..or get gone.

Im sorry you're dealing with this.

Welcome to SI.


[This message edited by confused615 at 1:38 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]

hopefulfourus posted 7/27/2014 13:40 PM

I would not be nice AT ALL!! You need to begin the 180 on him (you can look this up in the Library).Right now, you are allowing him his "cake eating". I've read here many times, "what you allow will continue to happen".

I'm sorry that you are here. But please know that everyone here has great advice and has been through this.


Softcentre posted 7/27/2014 13:45 PM

It depends on whether you want to confront and/or whether this was a deal breaker for you.

If you want to confront: As soon as he gets in ask to see his phone. Don't take any excuses. If he has a password on it, demand he tell you it. DO NOT let him and handle the phone first or he may delete things. This way you can hopefully use the phone as p'proof' rather than letting him know you have other sources.Even if you have to tell him you know, don't tell him how you know, don't tell him what you know or he will only admit to that. Tell him you know and you want to hear the full story from him, right toilet breaks for him or he may contact the OW to get stories straight.

If still want to reconcile,then tell him exactly what you need him to do. (timeline of the affair & any other infidelities, no contact letter to the OW, complete no contact with the OW, incl not looking her up on social media etc. telling you straight away if she attempts to contact him & that he is to hang up/not reply if she does, get himself into counselling, read "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" etc) Then wait to see if he does it. If he doesn't he is not remorseful. But you don't have to decide anything right away.

If it's a dealbreaker or your're not ready to confront:Tell him you're sick. You are, it's not a lie. It also gives you every reason to not have sex etc.

cantgetup posted 7/27/2014 16:43 PM

husbands don't get to have girlfriends. Why are you even allowing him to come "home"?

kellyAnn65 posted 7/27/2014 16:52 PM

Long story short....I have gotten myself into A situation where I can't leave I have medical issues from cancer and need his insurance..Also we have temporary custody of our 2 year old grandson. And I haven't worked enough to get SS disability was raising his kids and my kids..Just an awful mess...16 years with this man and he acts like i'm the bad guy

confused615 posted 7/27/2014 16:54 PM

What do you know about OW? Is she married?

kellyAnn65 posted 7/27/2014 17:02 PM

No I guess she has A history of dating married men the last one she was seeing died ....Funny thing is husband says he loves me and IS in love with me but NEED (his words) this and I am in no position to do anything,...I Do love him with all my heart I am just so confused

kellyAnn65 posted 7/27/2014 17:11 PM

He just got home and to see how he is acting you would think we have the perfect marriage grabbed me and told me he loves me and kissed me???? Acts like he has just been out with the guys

outtanowhere posted 7/27/2014 17:14 PM

He NEEDS this? Seriously? I understand you feel backed into a corner but, you don't have to take this as a trade off. Are you ok with letting him get his kicks with this woman? What happens if he decides he needs her more than he needs you?

I like the suggestion of bagging his stuff up up hefty bags. You tell him he can have his girlfriend but, he doesn't get to stay married to you.

BtraydWife posted 7/27/2014 21:50 PM

You can negotiate to stay on his insurance because of your health concerns or have him cover the cost of you being on the same policy after the divorce.

You don't HAVE to put up with this. You really don't.

BtraydWife posted 7/27/2014 21:56 PM

Also grabbing you and kissing you? That would have pissed me off and made me lose my cool. Gross. Where has he been putting his mouth while out with his girlfriend? Completely disrespectful and obnoxious. Blech

You aren't just along for this ride. You can take control of this situation. You also don't HAVE to let him touch you. You are in charge of you-he is not.

million tears posted 7/31/2014 09:42 AM

Can you get SSI? Do you get SS for your grandson? I took my nephew in (I later adopted him) and I get SS and Medicaid for him until he's 18. I get SS for him because I am disabled. I get Medicaid for him because he is adopted. I think SSI is for people who can't get SS but are disabled. I would look into it for you if I had time today.

Don't let yourself be used like this. If you aren't happy when he gets home, don't act like it for his sake.

seethelight posted 7/31/2014 09:51 AM


See an attorney pronto.

Do not warn your husband.

Gather all your financial records and see one.

I see you live in florida.

Adultery is still a crime in florida. So get proof of the adultery.

They can subpoena the other women for direct testimony. I doubt she will want to perjure herself in court, so she will tell the truth. But try to get other proof too.

You need to freeze your bank accounts, so he can't hide money. The attorney can do this, if you bring in your account numbers.

Because he is cheating, the courts can order him to pay your health care, as well as divide the assets, and pay you back extra for caring for HIS children. Plus alimony.

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