I know I shouldn't even be trying to get a hold of him. But now I am thinking OW is ther and I am letting myself get angry. He will give me a bull story about the batteries being dead or some other story.
How do I let it not get to me? It's nice that he can just be in a hotel and relaxing and I am stuck in the house with all the housework and yard work.
I just keep shaking my head why or why doesn't he just leave instead of cheating on me and being so cruel?
I know I must resolve this and end the marriage. How do I do that when I can't even get through a day without thinking about this?
It's time to shut this bullshit down.
He's not going to do it because, why should he?? He's been cheating for years and he's never had to suffer one consequence. He doesn't see this time as any different.
Your husband is a selfish, cruel, entitled POS serial cheater. He's not going to stop so this only stops when you say so.
Go back to one of those two lawyers and start the process. Gather everything you can in terms of records, bank statements, tax returns, and the evidence of his infidelity while he's gone. Get the ball moving forward to end this or else the only other choice is to live out your life with someone who could care less about the pain he's causing and the total disrespect he's showing. Divorce is difficult and life changing, but I would rather be alone than to be married to someone who couldn't give a damn about me.
Fuck him. It's time to take matters into your own hands.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
(Yes, very easy to say. You already know the answer so I'm wont insult your intelligence by telling you platitudes. You'll find your way eventually & it'll get better. Anything has to be better than this hell, right?)
What's preventing you from filing for D, hefty bagging his stuff, and changing your locks? Wouldn't that feel sort of good (within this lousy situation)? How does it help you to wait for him to leave? Why not shut him out of your life?
[This message edited by sisoon at 7:02 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]
I have been working on spreadsheets and lists for a dissolution. I haven't talked to an attorney lately because the last time I talked to her she said wait until he gets a job, he has been without full time employment for almost a year. It is very much to benefit to wait, but I am at the end of my rope and need to move on. I plan on calling the attorney this week to see what my options are.
Life is too short, if he isn't going to change, and I don't think he will. I must hefty bag him to the street! It would feel good to take some of the control away from him.
[This message edited by Mochagurl at 7:22 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]
He's not going to stop so you have to decide if you are going to stay with a liar and a cheater or respect yourself more...
I also understand trying to make sure you are as financially secure as possible and making sure that he is able to pay the support he will owe from a long term marriage. The main thing you need to ask the attorney is whether a court would impute a certain amount of income to him if he previously made much more of a salary. If so, then there is no reason to wait. If not, you have to weigh your options and decide if this is the kind of life you want to lead with the knowledge that he may never earn that previous salary again.
Mocha - this IS abuse. Affairs are abusive. This emotional manipulation is extremely abusive -it puts you on high alert, makes you anxious, makes you doubt yourself, and makes you afraid of the future without him. He is purposely putting you in a position of weakness because, again, why wouldn't he? He gets a comfy little life with a wife at home who works and earns income and who also takes care of him domestically. At the same time, he gets to have his piece on the side because he can.
It's really time to take control of this situation. I don't usually advocate this strongly for someone to talk to an attorney and detach from a marriage, but this man is a toxic POS who is not going to stop. He's been doing this for years according to your profile. He gets caught all the time and he has done nothing -not one thing - to help his wife heal or feel safe. He is as unremorseful and arrogant as they come.
Instead of blaming you and calling you crazy for having horrible thoughts of an A when he won't call you back, he should take ownership of that and do everything he can to help you through it. If he was really on the phone with his mother, don't you think he could have stopped the conversation for long enough to text or call you to reassure you? It's his mother - is she really that averse to being interrupted so that he can talk to his own wife? Let's assume, solely for the sake of argument, that he was just talking to his mother. He's still an unremorseful ass for ignoring you when he knows that his trips out of town are a major trigger and have been a major source of infidelity.
He's abusive and full of shit and you know it in your head. Your heart has not caught up with your head just yet. Unfortunately, you are letting the wrong body part dictate how to handle this. Move forward with your head only - it will always steer you in the right direction.
He didn't call me back because I had " fausly accused" him of being with OW. So I guess he thought I needed to be punished
So he can't be reassuring and let you know what was going on, and instead he shuts you out for doing something he doesn't like?
I hope you made time for the attorney today. As others have said, you don't need to sign the papers today - you just need to file.
No one deserves that kind of mental abuse.
I know so many people here who have been through the same treatment. That's why I keep coming back here for help.
I don't want to disappoint the kids, but I think they know the way he treats me is not normal or right.
Head steering forward, heart is on standby for a while !