Does this kind of event link to infidelity?
Absolutely. I am not a victim of CSA myself, but I am a victim of childhood abuse. I was also with a woman for 3 years who was a CSA. In fact, every long term relationship I have been in my partner had been sexually abused in some way. As such, and with various pieces of my own story I have shared here on SI, I have conversed with a few here who have been victims of CSA in both BS and WS. I can unequivocally say that any sort of sexual abuse, or even non sexual abuse can have profound impacts and can manifest in acting out promiscuously.
Whether it's searching for "love" or "validation" from not receiving love as a child to acting out sexually in an effort to "control" something that they did not have control over as a child can lead to infidelity. Ask him about "control" issues and if it's something he may have been acting out to get control over. Be prepared as you may get a very heavy answer.
Isn't FOO(ey) just grand (note the extreme sarcasm).
[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 8:41 PM, July 27th (Sunday)]
You have NO IDEA what it's like to even say the words.
For a survivor, two truths are paramount. 1. In the retelling, you are reliving. And that is terrifying. 2. One of the biggest fears is that you will not be believed or that it wasn't so bad.
An innocent and loving question from you like "did you scream?" or "why didn't you run away?" is translated as "I don't believe you" and it is easy to cause the survivor to shut down. It is extremely difficult to ask questions that are not construed as disbelief.
The 2A started 1 month to the day that my DS turned the same age he was when he was molested. Yet there is no correlation according to MrH.
I didn't learn about the SAb until a couple of years after the A. We had been together 16yrs at that point. He only told me to "prove" how people could let horrible things go. Like I should have done at that point with the A. Even though he's over it, he can't talk about it. No need to go to IC; though I learned at the Male Survivors board that "tune ups" are needed at various points in your life when issues come up.
I would say the A is an issue.
I do think it has something to do with his As especially the 2A.
I have an idea about how hard it is talk about it. I cry when I share certain abuses and neglects. I wasn't SAb- though some abuses had a sexual aspect to them. I do believe that ignoring it as well as the A issues has created a wall around MrH that damages our M and has forced me to build my own wall in order to feel safer.
I follow your story through your husband's posts in wayward.
I think you are displaying a huge amount of courage and strength to help him with this, well done. I have zero experience of CSA so I can't offer any advice but I will say remember to look after yourself. You are on bedrest, don't get too overwhelmed by it all.
Take these discussions slowly, work together as a team to sort through it all. Read together and support each other. This isn't an easy time for you, be kind to yourself.
[This message edited by BrokenButTrying at 10:30 AM, July 29th (Tuesday)]
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.
The one ltgf that I suspect had extreme CSA never could tell me. I have had a few conversations about what my experiences were with this one particular ltgf with other CSA survivors here. One thing that I did learn and had no idea at the time, is that she probably tried to show me what happened since she couldn't talk about it. And that I was someone who she could use to reinact certain things in order to gain control over them. This was someone that I deeply cared about.
Tread gently and be kind. Know when to back off and let them come to you.