I should have posted more... but yes, I did get STD testing ASAP, also IC, and interviewed three lawyers, chose one -- all within a week of D-Day. While dazed, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.
WH was outraged that I had STD testing because of course, he was careful to make sure OW was clean and she's a nurse, so why worry? Ha!
The attorney whom I hired turns out to be the best divorce attorney in town, from what I'm hearing.
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My mom insisted on flying cross country to help me. All my brothers and sisters knew she was sick, but not how sick. She demanded that they hide any details of her illness from me.
Mom arrived April 1. When she deplaned, it was obvious that something was very wrong. On April 3, she heard via phone that she had lung cancer. She downplayed it, saying it was a tiny spot, that it was easily fixed. We found out much later that she had traveled against doctor’s orders. Mom stayed with me for her scheduled 3 weeks. Refused to go home. Refused to see a doctor until she returned home. I cannot describe the physical pain that I watched her endure as she sat with me. I took care of her as best I could, alerted my family discreetly that she was far more ill than she was saying, got her to line up doctor’s appointments as soon as she returned home, made sure that she had enough pain meds to get through most days. She made sure that I filed for divorce.
After she returned home, my brothers and sisters who live closer to her took turns taking care of her. On June 26, I flew to her to help her; she had just checked into hospice. I stayed with her 24/7. She died on July 1. Those days in hospice were a gift to me. Her days with me in April….also a gift. She had been through possibly the cruelest divorce – my father was horrible – and wanted to give me her hard-won wisdom. I have taken it to heart.
During the time that I cared for her with my siblings, during the time that I planned her funeral, and spent time with my family, my worry and despair over WH’s actions and continued small cruelties became tiny. He was a mere thread – a nothing in my life.
Returning home, the divorce proceeds and the thread of WH's betrayal expands to obscure my view again. It’s like a gloomy, scary tent over everything. WH is whiny, lies to everyone (why? Why now? What could be the point?). There are many strange details to the affair. My attorney is baffled by some of the weirdness.
Yesterday, STBXWH walked through the house to choose what he wanted as part of splitting things up. I hate seeing him. What did I ever see in him? He made nasty little digs at me and our son. While I *know* that 180 is better for me (figured that out pretty soon in IC -- but didn't have the name or the list), there are times when I just want to call him out. Scream -- look at what you have done, how far this spreads, how many you have hurt. But...he can't hear me even when I do.
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Me BS, 56
Him WH, hopefully STBXWH, almost 51
married 24 years, will be 25 years on 8/5/2014
Two brilliant, fantastic grown children 23 and 20
D-Day 1/31/2014
D filed 4/23/2014, ETD, not yet known