God help me.
((NG and kids))
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
She needs eye bleach!
Anything to replace that which cannot be unseen.
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.
How do I go about this? I'm assuming my attorney won't help me because I'm so much in debt to him already.
I truly feel like ice right now. It is interesting to experience this as an emotionally healthy (I know that's subjective! LOL) person. All the discoveries of the past I've been so shattered. This time I feel integrated and calm, but deadly cold.
Can you inform your attorney? At least you can say you did inform him/her. Perhaps he/she will be obligated (regardless of debt) to send a report or something.
Can you take her to her doctor to document what she shared? She may also be obligated to inform CPS?
Does she have a therapist? Or school counselor?
I am sure you have reassured her that she absolutely did the right thing and that she would never get in trouble for telling the truth. NG, I hope it is ok that I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
The amazing counselor we were seeing is no longer available because we cannot afford him because we lost our health insurance.
I will put a call in to our pediatrician. She might have some ideas.
Of course school is not in session for the summer, and there is no counselor there for problems of this magnitude.
Yes, I assured my sweet baby that this wasn't her fault. She knows it, but she also knows she shouldn't have seen what she's seen. She feels so ashamed and sick. I shared with her that her dad has a problem and that this is part of it. I also told her that this is one of the big reasons why we're divorced. I could see the light bulb finally click on in her eyes.
Oh my poor baby.
And based on what she described to me, she has also seen him masturbating at the computer during parenting time.
[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 3:03 AM, July 28th (Monday)]
She is only 11-years old, people. Eleven.
[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 3:12 AM, July 28th (Monday)]
He is in breach of your agreement - you can't enforce it without paying legal fees. That is so fucked I can't even breathe.
People like this need to be hung, drawn and quartered. I don't even have words.
Even if it's just 'ordinary porn' (not that I know what that is) on her computer. Call. the. police.
She's 11 and asking for help, right? There's no way she put that shit on her computer.
Maybe the police can do something your court system can not???
Maybe PM SWAT or some other SI cop guy/gal.
I know the judicial system has let you down.
I don't know how he has visitation without you knowing his address....but I hope you don't let him get away with this yet once again.
[This message edited by FinallyHappy at 5:15 AM, July 28th (Monday)]
I understand your rage, I'm there too, only my story is years after the fact, my daughter has just come forward with the fact that she is a survivor, she saw porn at a young age, that her dad masturbated in front of her, and the worse at this point that he had her perform oral sex on him, my baby suppressed her memories, she was a scarred little girl, who is now a young woman that is coming to terms with what was done to her,
My daughter didn't start to release her memories until after she had EMDR therapy which was suggested by her counselor
Your daughter needs to have counselling, she needs to be able to process what has happened in a healthy way. What about the younger children, what might they have seen, that they don't know how to process,
I wish I could go back 10 years to when my daughter was being abused, the end would have been so much different then it is now,I would have had sick creature prosecuted, never to have unsupervised access to my children, or any child, but here I am waiting to find out when and if the police are going to charge the sick creature,historical cases are very difficult to prosecute they say, they don't want it disclosed to sick creature that he is being investigated
I agree with the advice given so far. You can also contact CPS yourself and provide them with this information. They will send someone out. At least this would be documented and would not cost you anything.
Don't let my user name fool you...I am NOT hopeful for us at ALL!!
Call the awesome therapist and explain the situation then ask what you should do? Awesome therapist may gift your DD a session or 2 to help her. The worst thing therapist will do is refer you someplace else. But you will have guidance in ways to navigate this for your baby.
More hugs coming your way.
A couple of suggestions: did dd11 disclose any of this to the IC she was seeing? You may be able to call her previous IC and explain the situation and perhaps he will agree to work with her and allow you to pay on a sliding scale (or at a highly-reduced rate).
OR -- have you checked into any of your local DV resources? Counselors or pro-bono L's may be available through that avenue.
What I'm thinking is that what your daughter saw may be a *mandatory report* issue for a counselor, and so if his actions are reported as a criminal-type act, *the system* might be able to do the bulk of the work for you (even though I know that *the system* has failed you in the past).
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I am sick to my stomach over this! Your poor baby!!
I would definitely call the previous counselor and let them know that you need help. Tell them what has happened. If they won't see you on a sliding scale (I hope like hell they will!!), they can recommend someone. If it was me, I'd call ALL previous counselors and run things by all of them. Some may not respond, but maybe one or two will have some ideas about where to go next. Definitely speak with someone at the domestic violence shelter, too.
Hugs to all of you!!!!!!! You'll all be in my prayers!
Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him
Counseling would be really helpful for your young ones, if you can't afford it and have no insurance...what about a county or state clinic that has a sliding fee scale?