Some time after my xWGF confessed to me about cheating, I started to refuse to have sex with her. At time, I rationalized it as a result of my fear of her getting pregnant (we had condoms break a couple of times etc.), me not being sure if I still want to be with her, her unwilling to go on the pill etc.
It went on for around 6 months before we started having sex again.
For a long time, even after she broke up with me, I felt like a "freak", "gay", "damaged" for not having sex with her for so long. And I felt guilty and thinking that no wonder she broke up with me since I refused sex for so long. Now, I'm slowly coming to the realisation that I might have been so disguested and shocked by everything, that it was "normal" for me to avoid having sex with her for so long.
So I was wondering if anyone else had a phase where they refused to have sex with their wayward partner, even though they were in R or limbo? If so, how long did it last?
Thanks for your answers!
47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.
What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that
My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA
Leaning towards leaving, no one deserves this pain.
At some point I thought....what IS the point of going through the motions if nothing has changed? So I stopped altogether as well.
I'm just curious to see if the no sex was a deal breaker in the relationship for you or your spouse. I am a WS and it has been over a year for us and I'm wondering if it will ever happen again.
I want to remain in the relationship but I'm not sure I can forever if there is no hope of sex ever returning. I think for me it is a deal breaker but the question is at what point? When do you give up trying?
Married 27 years. Together 29.
3 children 24, 21, 14
OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.
Forever for me too. Nasty. I could not get past it.
Six months of in-house separation before he moved out for good.
Learning to embrace celibacy as a lifestyle which, at my age, is not a bad thing. Too many freaks out there...
[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:19 AM, July 28th (Monday)]
Should be the other way around? I've never refused my wife sex ever. Such behaivor in my humble opinion is contray to the marriage aggrement.
We are at DDday #3..or 4, I've stopped counting, my wife is no longer interested in sex, and on the rare occasion that she "gives in", she is uninvolved and just lays there like she is waiting for me to get done. Its a horrible feeling afterward and causes me to want to just give up on sex altogether despite my desire.
[This message edited by steppingup at 10:25 AM, July 28th (Monday)]
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4)
My fWW blamed my low desire and inexperience at sex for her affair. She compared me unfavorably to her AP, both in anatomy and ability.
Over time, my desire for sex with her waned low.
On the day following a sexual encounter between us, she made a statement containing a sexual put-down to me, and something inside me "snapped". I said to myself, "...well, I sure hope you enjoyed it, because that will be the last time I will ever do it with you again...".
1big, to answer your question, in retrospect, my refusal to have sex might have been the biggest issue for her that ultimately led to hear breaking up with me. Even though we started to have sex again and stayed together afterwards for almost a year after resuming sex, she later claimed she wasn't in love with me anymore and felt like room-mates/best friends, not lovers. So the sex hiatus might have been a big part of this.
I wish all of you all the best!
For those of you who have replied that you have quit having sex all together...are you still in a relationship with that person?
No. We did stay together for a couple years more but he was not committed to R or healing us.
So this time, I was done. Until I saw remorse and test results, we were in separate rooms.
I did ultimately see test results--though he did not have a full panel done. (He DID have the test done by our shared family doctor, who reamed him, which was mildly entertaining, though.)
I never saw the remorse. I never saw even a scintilla of movement toward establishing emotional intimacy that is a prerequisite for physical intimacy. Furthermore, we received professional diagnosis that he is complexly personality disordered, and cannot form empathy in a way that is recognizable to others, and does not experience remorse.
Together, these things made me see he did not deserve my touch. I now know he never did.
[This message edited by solus sto at 3:03 PM, July 29th (Tuesday)]