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Anniversay of DDay on 7/31

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ShedSomeLight posted 7/28/2014 10:32 AM

It's my DDay Anniversary this Thursday. We are in a very good place and have gone through many months of therapy. I don't feel as emotional about things...but I have been having some anger the last few days that I have directed towards my husband, the WS. He has worked hard and has done all the right things. My situation is a little unique because the OW stalked me. I found out about the "A" because the OW was making numerous blocked ID hang up calls to me for months and I got the police involved. Law enforcement put a tracer my phone and when I learned of her identity my husband confessed to the affair. He had no idea she was doing this to me. Their affair was a sleazy lunch time hooked up in hotels or at her house. My husband freaked out on the OW when he learned it was her stalking me, and then took out a restraining order. On my DDay I disappeared and went to a friends house out of state and he had no idea where I was. I was not sure I was going to come back either. My good friends talked me into coming home to face it all. I decided I wanted to try reconciliation and we immediately entered therapy. During the very beginning, the OW continued to stalk me in everyway possible. She sent me numerous emails to my work email address, continued to call me and sent me a package in the mail with copies of sexual email correspondence between by husband and her.Prior to this busting wide open, she actually sat infront of our house during the day when I was working at home one day. I am a Recruiter and I often work from home. I use my facebook page to recruit Candidates and the OW got my work email address from my facebook page. Even though their was a restraining order, she continued to stalk me. Finally two months later she was arrested and I have been in court for almost a year. My husband hired an attorney to make things easier on me because in my state if you are a victim of a crime, you usually have to deal with a victims' Advocate. I have a wonderful attorney who was also stalked herself, which has made it easier. There is another court date coming up on September 12th,which I believe will be her sentencing. During the last twelve months, I have learned "forgiveness" of the most difficult things to do in life. I learned that his affair had nothing to do with him being in love with her. I learned that the affair had nothing to do with me. It was all about his insecurities, issues with his childhood and overall lack of confidence and inner loneness . He has done a lot of work on himself.

The last few days, I have been flying off the handle, telling him that if I ever suspect anything ever again, I will be gone for good and there will be no second chances. I have been acting like a rollercoaster crazy woman. I am so mad at the OW... I want to confront her in court and tell her what a sleezy disgusting woman she is ! As a Victim with an Attorney in court, you are not allowed to do much talking. I feel like my voice has not been heard and I feel angry about that. my husband really has done everything possible in his efforts to gain my trust and I do feel like he continues to be a better person everyday. How do I let go of my anger towards the OW ? I want to ask my Attorney if I can speak in front of the judge so the OW can hear me. In court, she only looked at me once and then put her head down. I stare her down usually and my Attorney has to tell me to stop looking at her.

Is my behavior normal for a DDAY anniversary approaching ?? Also, I do have other personal things going on. My Mom is in a nursing home and not doing well and I sense the end might be near, so I have been crying a lot over my Mom. The last few days, I feel like a mess. The affair is like a book with the pages flipping through my mind. All my husband tells me constantly that he is extremely remorseful, lucky to have me still here. He wants to go to court with me as he said he has his own anger issues towards to OW.

Will I feel better once this DDAY anniversary passes ? I know that my anger toward the stalking is not gone.

Any responses will be greatly appreciated. thank you.

steadfast1973 posted 7/28/2014 10:44 AM

Yes. All of it is normal. Somedays, I don't care about either OW. But somedays I spend the whole day daydreaming about telling them off. I totally get not feeling like you've gotten to say your peace. I feel like I need some closure, but not at all sure how to get it.

unfound posted 7/28/2014 11:05 AM

considering what you've been through and are going through, yes, it's normal. while there's no magic time limit on the emotions that surround dday antiversaries, it does get better over time.

sticking together and communicating with your H, whatever you decide to do in court, will help and show a united front.

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