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Spiralingupward posted 7/28/2014 13:12 PM

I'm 3 months out from Dday. Its been extremely challenging to strike a healthy balance between healing, and living in the current moment. I get so frustrated because my WS is showing me that she really cares. She is doing everything in her power to show me. She has essentially done everything that a WS should do, and continues to do so. Changes Ive always wanted to see have now taken place, or steps takent toward them. She is more outwardly loving, our communication is better. Weve been through MC and IC. Were about to have our second child (another challenge is the timing). I want so badly to catch this wave and ride it. Some days I can, and do. Other days the emotions build and I crack. Its a confusing and exhausting rollarcoaster. I understand the value of riding the wave of positivity. If its there, I may as well take it if I'm intending on making this work out. Then I feel myself slip into the darkness of my self defeating thoughts. I allow my emotions to become my basis of logic. Sometimes I can catch myself, other times, I sit and watch the wave go by. I dont allow the current moment to hold any power based on the past. I get frustrated at this point. I have no patients for this... and normally have plenty of patients. I know that if I dont feel and process my emotions, they will be back. At the same time I dont want to sit on beach when I can see the waves of hope. Today is date night, and I ultimatly have a choice to make. I have faith in our recovery, and that we will make it, but I found myself crying today, tired from the struggle. Keeping the hope alive. Much love to you all, and I send positive energy to your healing hearts (((<3)))

[This message edited by Spiralingupward at 1:13 PM, July 28th (Monday)]

SI Staff posted 7/29/2014 08:41 AM

Bumping so others can read and respond.

bionicgal posted 7/29/2014 10:10 AM

SU,
I can relate with everything you say. Just know that you are not alone, and that things do get better. Keep on making the good times, and appreciate the good moments, and try to ride out and learn from the bad ones. You can survive this. I tell myself people have survived far worse. The dreaded "T" word, time, does indeed help us heal, along with introspection on both parts.

Peace to you.

phoenixrises posted 7/29/2014 10:22 AM

Spiraling- you’re so close from your D-Day so I understand the struggle. I am about 5 months out and time just drags sometime. I think you just need to continue to allow yourself to feel the pain, your emotions but allow yourself to take a break from the pain. Allow yourself those ‘feel good’ moments. You deserve them now more than ever.

I very much get caught up in my emotions and anxiety and allow myself to cry. But sometimes I do have to stop myself if I feel I’m just circling back to past pain when I’d rather just enjoy all the good in my life right now. And with a new baby on the way and your WS doing all the right things, sounds like there’s a lot to be thankful for, also. I feel like I’m the last one to give advice since I’m still very early on in this but I’m reading a great book on how to overcome trauma in life and a few of the nuggets that really help me are to remember that the affair and all the trauma related to it is just a ’slice of your life’ Yes, it’s a big slice and it’s awful but it’s not your whole life and shouldn’t keep you from enjoying the good when you want to. I also tell myself different things when I’m feeling down and want to take a break from the pain. I usually write things down because I know I’ll have to deal with it later or talk to WS about it another time but if I’m trying to enjoy the moment, enjoy the now, I just say to myself ‘Forward’ and think of a recent happy moment to savor and try to let go of the thoughts that don’t make me strong at that moment. I know I’ll have to deal with the feelings later but it’s one way that like you, I’m trying to find a balance.