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Newest Member: betrayedinil (61145)

User Topic: Update-to be there or not?
♀ 44065
Member # 44065
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone

I recently posted and asked advice, ideas etc regarding whether WS (currently out the house for " apparently and only" breaking the no porn boundary) should be present at the birth of our child as I had very mixed emotions and feelings about it due to this latest discovery.

Well I just wanted to let you all know now baby arrived safely (and quickly!-2 hrs from start to finish) last Thursday morning, at home in the front room (lounge) with all the children present and the two midwives. I simply felt safer, calmer, more peaceful and overall better (sadly) without him being present. I had a little boy, 2yo was playing with his power rangers, DS4 was chilling and watching on the beanbags, DS7 was playing on the computer and popping in and out and was there for delivery and DD9 was present all the way through, cut the cord and burst into tears of happiness after his arrival. She really is a Mini midwife. Baby is a complete boobaholic and is doing really well. The kids and I are totally in love.
I contacted WS within the hour to let him know, didn't hear anything, so a friend of ours went to his work to tell him, whilst his wife stayed with me for the rest of the day and helped out with the kids and made lots of tea. He came back with a txt saying well done n I suppose I'll have to wait till the weekend to see him, to which I replyied that it would be lovely for him to come today -the day of the birth and we'd all really like that. Still didn't hear anything back so my friend rang him to see whether he was going to come or not, which he did for about half hour later that afternoon. I think it was a bit much for him to take in, hence his short visit.

I feel so so so blessed to have these little angels in my life, and happy that that moment was shared with them all present, a truly special time. I feel sad that I at the time didn't feel to have WS there, I'm still very hurt by his choices and now total rewriting of recent events that funnily enough exclude any reference to him or his choices that led to this situation. It's all "we" "you" "it"....Sadly WS is still flitting from being nice to me one minuite and saying very cold hearted things the next, and sulking and trying to play with my emotions, one minuite he misses me, the next it's a cold comment about how things "didn't survive"..... I'm sure it's his inner turmoil playing out onto me, and I'm sad to say because his behaviour is the way it is my response is to keep my shields up and protect myself.

I will never ever ever understand (on an emotional level) why or how some (not all ) WS can be like this towards their family, the only ones who ever truly love/loved them, how they can abandon them, run away, be cruel one minuite and nice the next especially when there are kids involved, and especially that they are simply unwilling to see the pure gold they have in their lives and somehow convince themselves it's not gold it's shit, a constraint, and is a negative thing/s in their lives (the BS and family package)not see things for the gifts they are....reconciliation, another chance at making things good for everyone's benefit, another chance at being a family.....

I've cried tears of utter happiness and gratitude over the last few days, looked into my newborns eyes and those of my other kids....and cried tears of utter disbelief that my WS can just seemingly turn off his emotions and become numb and detatched from us all, and would rather go to the pub or buy stuff, tune out with other peoples kids, animals, games or tv, when whatever they are searching for that they think is better is/was right In front of them all along, they're just too messed up to see it, or allow themselves to feel it, be present and feel it for the beauty, richness and addinfinitum family really is.

Feeling a bit sad tonight, but it'll will pass, tomorrow is another day with lots of special things in my life to appreciate, and savour.

Anyway just wanted to update you all
Thank you to everyone who posted on my other thread
I'm very grateful to you

[This message edited by Sunrising at 4:14 PM, July 28th (Monday)]

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jul 2014
♂ 42967
Member # 42967
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats on your newest edition!!!!

ME - BH 45
Her - XWS 30
D - April 2010 - never looked back and good riddance.
Happily remarried!

Though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days
moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are

Posts: 244 | Registered: Apr 2014
♀ 42419
Member # 42419
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow! First of all, congratulations!

I am right there with WH sounds just like yours! One minute he's remorseful, sorry, kind, sweet, and the next, he is purposely hurting me with his biting remarks that indicate ambivalence. It's difficult to endure and I do not have a newborn to care for. My hat is off to you, lady!

I hope things work out. My prayer for myself is to hope for R but gain strength for myself and my kids to move on without him if I have to. May you also find that strength as well...


Him- FWH 1 yr+LTA w/ COW
DDay Dec 2013
R March 2015
Happy Again

Posts: 76 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ 37756
Member # 37756
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


If we didn't have an ocean between us, and a few thousand miles, I'd pop over with dinner for you and the littles...and baby snuggles of course!!!

I'm so proud of you for making the choice that was best for YOU!! :-) so happy for you and the children. And he's shown you with his actions you made the right choice.

His decisions are on you, not him.

Hugs to you, sweet friend. Enjoy your precious baby boy!!!!

Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti

Posts: 631 | Registered: Dec 2012
solus sto
♀ 30989
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations! Your delivery sounds lovely.

I understand the bafflement regarding paternal ability to turn off feelings for kids. Certainly, it's not a typical father behavior, but those of us whose kids really have, for all intents and purposes, been abandoned, are left dealing with confusion and hurt that is difficult to navigate.

Fortunately, your children have you. And you're doing a terrific job.

BS-me, 55; WX-irrelevant
Divorced after an eternity
"So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tenn

Posts: 15256 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
♀ 43496
Member # 43496
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, July 28th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations! My little boobaholic is filling up while I write this. Enjoy him!

Me: 33, BW Him: 40, fWH
Together 11y, married 8
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email
Working on R, and it's working

Posts: 3226 | Registered: May 2014
♀ 44065
Member # 44065
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for the replies

Thank you!

Yes ambivalence indeed, sadly. I couldn't believe it when I heard him say to me just the other week AGAIN "I don't know what I want" just........

I hope things work out. My prayer for myself is to hope for R but gain strength for myself and my kids to move on without him if I have to. May you also find that strength as well...

I hope this too

I was hoping you'd catch this thread, I so appreciate and value your replies on my other thread. I'd live you to pop over for dinner too if there wasn't so many miles between us!. I'm enjoying every moment, the kids and I love him to bits

Solus sto
Thank you, he's the abandonment and resulting hurt and confusion are just awful, I cannot understand why when he has all this real love here at home that he would rather be playing xbox, going to the pub and whatever else he's up to by now having been out the house for touching 2 months. He's missing out on so much. But I guess he doesn't see it like that as there's no signs from him regarding remorse or wanting to sort it.

Awww bless your little boobaholic! How old is he/she?
I just LOVE it when they get what I call drunk on boobie and have that floppy look of being so full up with milk they're deliriously sleepy, drunk, satisfied and full!

Thank you all for your support
It really means so much
In light

Posts: 101 | Registered: Jul 2014
♀ 41323
Member # 41323
Default  Posted: 4:28 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Huge congratulations Sunrising that's such lovely news.
I read your other post but didn't post as it was a huge trigger for me , but I was wishing you well and hoping you made the right decision for you. I had my DD 4 weeks before DDay and my WH missed it (I had no idea he was having an A at the time) my labour was quick like yours and he couldn't get back in time-I didn't even have midwives but that's another story!
My Mum and DS were with me and now I see that as a blessing, knowing what I do now if my WH had been there my memories of the birth would be tainted.
I'm sorry your WH doesn't get it and isn't supporting you but you sound super strong, your children are very lucky to have such a fab Mummy x

Him WH
Married 5yrs, together 8
DDay 1 18.07.13, 7month PA co-worker
DDay 2 29.09.2013 (continued EA, kissed once)
Working on R

Posts: 75 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 8

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