I recently posted and asked advice, ideas etc regarding whether WS (currently out the house for " apparently and only" breaking the no porn boundary) should be present at the birth of our child as I had very mixed emotions and feelings about it due to this latest discovery.
Well I just wanted to let you all know now baby arrived safely (and quickly!-2 hrs from start to finish) last Thursday morning, at home in the front room (lounge) with all the children present and the two midwives. I simply felt safer, calmer, more peaceful and overall better (sadly) without him being present. I had a little boy, 2yo was playing with his power rangers, DS4 was chilling and watching on the beanbags, DS7 was playing on the computer and popping in and out and was there for delivery and DD9 was present all the way through, cut the cord and burst into tears of happiness after his arrival. She really is a Mini midwife. Baby is a complete boobaholic and is doing really well. The kids and I are totally in love.
I contacted WS within the hour to let him know, didn't hear anything, so a friend of ours went to his work to tell him, whilst his wife stayed with me for the rest of the day and helped out with the kids and made lots of tea. He came back with a txt saying well done n I suppose I'll have to wait till the weekend to see him, to which I replyied that it would be lovely for him to come today -the day of the birth and we'd all really like that. Still didn't hear anything back so my friend rang him to see whether he was going to come or not, which he did for about half hour later that afternoon. I think it was a bit much for him to take in, hence his short visit.
I feel so so so blessed to have these little angels in my life, and happy that that moment was shared with them all present, a truly special time. I feel sad that I at the time didn't feel to have WS there, I'm still very hurt by his choices and now total rewriting of recent events that funnily enough exclude any reference to him or his choices that led to this situation. It's all "we" "you" "it"....Sadly WS is still flitting from being nice to me one minuite and saying very cold hearted things the next, and sulking and trying to play with my emotions, one minuite he misses me, the next it's a cold comment about how things "didn't survive"..... I'm sure it's his inner turmoil playing out onto me, and I'm sad to say because his behaviour is the way it is my response is to keep my shields up and protect myself.
I will never ever ever understand (on an emotional level) why or how some (not all ) WS can be like this towards their family, the only ones who ever truly love/loved them, how they can abandon them, run away, be cruel one minuite and nice the next especially when there are kids involved, and especially that they are simply unwilling to see the pure gold they have in their lives and somehow convince themselves it's not gold it's shit, a constraint, and is a negative thing/s in their lives (the BS and family package)not see things for the gifts they are....reconciliation, another chance at making things good for everyone's benefit, another chance at being a family.....
I've cried tears of utter happiness and gratitude over the last few days, looked into my newborns eyes and those of my other kids....and cried tears of utter disbelief that my WS can just seemingly turn off his emotions and become numb and detatched from us all, and would rather go to the pub or buy stuff, tune out with other peoples kids, animals, games or tv, when whatever they are searching for that they think is better is/was right In front of them all along, they're just too messed up to see it, or allow themselves to feel it, be present and feel it for the beauty, richness and addinfinitum family really is.
Feeling a bit sad tonight, but it'll will pass, tomorrow is another day with lots of special things in my life to appreciate, and savour.
Anyway just wanted to update you all
Thank you to everyone who posted on my other thread
I'm very grateful to you
[This message edited by Sunrising at 4:14 PM, July 28th (Monday)]