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CheaterMagnet posted 7/28/2014 18:26 PM

Well, right like clockwork the ExW-OW sent SAWH a FB message. It just happened to come through when I was standing in front of his phone so I saw it come up. Now, if I'd been smart, I wouldn't have said anything to see if he would mention it. But I was stupid. I was tired and emotional and I lost it. I didn't yell, I just told him exactly how I feel about her and how I know she'll never go away.

He said he isn't going to respond as he agrees that it will just give her the message that it's OK to contact him, but I know he just wants to pretend it didn't happen. I can't do that.

Oh, and the best part! She was asking for the last name of an old friend of theirs because she is "making amends" and wants to contact him. When is she going to make amends to ME. You know, the woman whose husband you fucked. Grrrrrr.

Chefj9 posted 7/28/2014 18:30 PM

Is there a reason she isn't blocked or does she just create new accounts to get through?

CheaterMagnet posted 7/28/2014 18:33 PM

He refuses to block her. She was a part of my life for 10 years blah, blah, blah.

3kids30years posted 7/28/2014 19:15 PM

He refuses to block her.

Oh Hell To The NO!

I'd have his shit hefty bagged and ready to go. If OW is more important then me - have a good life and don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

No f*$&(*% way would OW still have access to WH in my house.

hopefull77 posted 7/28/2014 19:18 PM

Bye bye facebook!!

Didact posted 7/28/2014 22:12 PM

He refuses to block her.

I am curious why you believe this isn't a deal breaker? How long has it been?

Faithful w/Love posted 7/28/2014 22:23 PM

You know here is the thing about this. I'm separated and if we divorce I would expect him to communicate for kids and be civil but the woman thinks she has rights to him because he allows it. Noe, he can say the 10 yr blah blah... However he is remarried and he slept with her or had an Ea.. (I don't Know ur story).. that is a no no and it allows her to feel she comes before you and that is not so..YOU are his wife now. They divorced... end of story. If he feels that way then he needs to go because he is giving her right to invade your marriage where she don't belong!!!
It pisses me off for you. You deserve to be his wife....she has to go.

Damn phone, had to edit.

[This message edited by Faithful w/Love at 10:27 PM, July 28th (Monday)]

BtraydWife posted 7/28/2014 22:34 PM

Um yeah- her or you and he gets 10 seconds to decide. There is no "he refuses to block her". That is a refusal of NC. Don't fool yourself about this. He is not NC. He is still emotionally attached to her and that's a huge problem. Like a get the fuck out of this house sized problem. He is still in the affair. Stop telling yourself excuses.

At this point I'd take the whole damn computer from him. And I have done just that very thing too.

My WH is a software architect and he lost his personal computer a few months after dday. He hasn't had a personal email account for 4 years. I opened a gmail account so he could post on SI. He doesn't know the password. Again-no computer and no email for the last 4 years.

This is not R. He needs to decide what matters most to him. Right now it seems he matters most. Not ok, not cool, and way past Brown's house f'd up.

BtraydWife posted 7/28/2014 22:49 PM

There is a thread in the Just Found Out section titled "refuses no contact". All the advice in there fits you as well because that is what your WH is doing. He is refusing no contact.

CheaterMagnet posted 7/29/2014 00:03 AM

Tonight he says he will block her. I wish he had offered instead of my having to ask, but he didn't hesitate at all. We shall see if it actually happens.

He seems to be understanding what he did, but he's a SA and since we haven't had sex since mother's day weekend, I'm pretty sure he's not "sober."

I don't think he's cheating but I'd bet money he's masturbating almost every day and maybe even watching porn.

FixYou71 posted 7/29/2014 00:37 AM

Oh cheatermagnet,
I'm glad he blocked her but my heart hurts for you.
Please say he's in some sort of program or getting treatment for his S.A.. Have you questioned him on his sexual sobriety? Is he accountable to anyone? Do you have access to check up on him (key logger tracking etc.?
Bless your heart.

Lucky2HaveMe posted 7/29/2014 06:54 AM

Tonight he says he will block her. I wish he had offered instead of my having to ask, but he didn't hesitate at all. We shall see if it actually happens.

You have his pw, right? Go in and block her yourself. Then check every few days if she is still blocked - if he unblocks her, he can't reblock for 48 hours, so he would be caught.

Kick him off the fence.

CheaterMagnet posted 7/29/2014 15:08 PM

There aren't any CSAT's here and only one brand new SA meeting. He started reading the SA big book and doing some recovery work online and was going to AA meetings again. He called the guy who started the SA meeting, but they weren't meeting for awhile and he hasn't made contact since.

It's the same pattern. He does enough to get me to give him a chance, then it peters out. He isn't accountable to anyone. I periodically ask how his recovery is going and he gives vague answers. Our lack of sex life indicates he is still masturbating.

I had to block him of FB because of his family and a girl I call "Stalker Stacey." She's an old roommate of his sister who likes every single post he makes (unless it is about me), and has told him that she wishes they had hooked up while we were separated. He won't unfriend her either.

At this point we are still living together but really more as friends. Like I said, no sex since Mother's Day. He doesn't even realize it but every day I detach a little bit more. I'm not in a position to move out and I can't make him leave. So, I'm just trying to live my life and let him live his.

I hate this.

CheaterMagnet posted 7/30/2014 15:19 PM

Yay. OW has finally been blocked from his FB. I asked him this morning if he'd done it and he admitted he hadn't but said, "Let's do it right now." So I walked him through the process and its done.

Of course, she still has other means of contacting him including through MIL or SIL so I'm not feeling safe, just a tiny bit safer. She's a persistent troll with absolutely no integrity or self respect. She'll be back.

JLyn1128 posted 7/30/2014 16:04 PM

I loved the response "Oh hell to the no!" There was NEVER any contact on fb between my WSO and OW. He isn't a big fb user and had no idea she even had a page. Since she knew about me, she wasn't going to contact him in any way that I might see. At any rate, I went into his fb account and blocked her myself. He doesn't even realize I did it, but she does. I know she was lurking because the day after I did it I got one of her horrible texts calling me names and what an A-hole he is (because she thinks he blocked her). He has NC with her, and I know he doesn't because her ugly contacts with me assure me of that. It's why I don't block her from my phone. May not work with some, but I have made a particular enemy of her and I spar with her when she gets a wild hair and contacts me. Happens less and less. I think she was baiting me thinking I would get mad enough to leave and she could move in. Some of these OW are very manipulative and refuse to give up because if they could just 'prove to him' that they are more worthy of his love it will all work out. If my WSO had even given me one nano-second of an idea he still wanted OW in his life I'd be gone to a place he could never find me. And he knows it. The biggest fight over this issue we had after DD was when I deleted the gmail account they used. I could tell he wasn't using it (keystroke logger), but was tired of her whining, so I got rid of it. He felt like his 'privacy' was compromised and tried to convince me he deserved privacy. His laptop is still in the same pieces it was after I took a mallet to it and we both now understand the concept of 'privacy' in a committed relationship.

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