I am supposed to meet a lawyer wednesday, and i have IC on thursday.
I haven't said this before, but i consider myself a man of faith (Christian). the last 2 weeks i have taken solace in that and i have been hopeful. I am jumping into my faith, and hanging out with other believers who have been a great support. I know prayer is effective, just as i know Jesus is my comforter, but i also know that you don't always get what you want. And a 2nd chance of healing/reconciling no matter how much i want them might not be in the picture.
Know that even though i am hopeful, I'm not stupid. She wants a divorce, and I don't want to drag it out for my DD sake. I need to look out for my DD interests in this, and i need to make sure i am prepared to do so.
Venting done...for now.
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.
I read your other thread, you did not enforce NC... it would not matter if he is her best friend, you are her husband and she violated the marriage... end of story...
you cannot pander but be you and show her you can do without her and maker her earn her way back to your leave her on your terms. It is painful, i know but pandering to her while it is your heart pouring out is only "spilt milt" falling on the floor.
You don't have much (anything) to work with in your marriage, she is the one making the choice for you!
Wish you and the DD the very best!
4 kids all adults.
Married 22+ years.
I have moved on and life is good!
3 times now she has asked me, "what do you do to put DD to bed? Does she scream for me? Does she keep you up all nite?". And the answer is no. She sleeps peacefully in the home she has known all her life. She is only 13months old, and i now her staying at OM apt. is confusing DD. But my WW says it is her "home" too. A load of bs. WW doesn't even recognize the bad nites for what they are, our daughter's attempt to communicate to us.
I have been keeping a strict calendar of when she has our DD and when i do. As part of that calendar, WW has not slept over nite in our home for 3 weeks. She lied about NC the 1st week, and at first it seemed like not filing would give us a chance to communicate in SOME capacity. But especially the last 2 weeks she avoids me, doesn't answer texts or calls to coordinate a sitter or bills.
I care too much to "take her for all she's worth", but even though i don't want to deprive her of our daughter, if i can get sole custody i am strongly considering it. Just worried how i am supposed to support myself and my DD and work 2 jobs. I can move back in with my parents, or find an overpriced apt. Neither is ideal, but i am pretty sure i can't keep the house on my own.
I still find myself crying at random songs on the radio, or when i look at wedding/anniversary cards at work. Anger has been at a minimum, or at least my expression of it. Acceptance is settling in. Only 3 weeks out from D-day, pretty sure the numbness is lingering.
Thanks for the support SI compatriots. We never wanted to be here, but at least we aren't here alone. If anyone has any advice, especially about divorce proceedings, I'm listening now.
The lawyer i am supposed to meet tomorrow is giving me a discount because of an assistance program my work offers. 25% off, so 200$ an hour with a retainer starting at 1500-2000. Parents are footing the bill. WW wants to negotiate everything, but her decisions making abilities are compromised, so I'm looking for a lawyer who would be assertive, but open to settlement.
I was on her pintrest the other day and today she has 2 new boards about future wedding (not necessarily with OM but just dreaming), and relationship with OM. It makes me angry and ready to cry.
No way would I let her. She should not be doing that. Get a lawyer and put a stop to it.
WW wants to negotiate everything
Stay strong, go no contact, kids and financials only.
if i can get sole custody i am strongly considering it.
OH! My good man, if...no if, go get it. Get all of it, convience your WW that she is better off running away into the land of rainbows and unicorns deep deep into the "f...kers fog", and she will.
No, if you can avoid it, my strongest caution to you is to insulate your DD from poor living and poor character. If you WW is willing to do what she has done, you have no idea what else is coming, you think you've seen the worst, I would not bet on it.
Again if you can get full custody, take it! I know I would and never look back.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones (Proverbs 12:4)
She kept her D(my SD ) and I got my son. (Yea the court split the kids). SD has 3 DUI's and lives with Mom. My son is in college with a full time job paying his own way.
Do it! It's not easy, but doing right rarely is.
I am not overly religious, but I have found that always having faith works pretty good. And you will be amazed at how things turn out and or who comes out of nowhere to help. It seems that when you least expect it someone or something comes out of nowhere to help.
Only three weeks out...don't be surprised if your wife gets out of the fog all of a sudden and is so sorry for what she did. Three weeks is nothing.
Have you thought about what you're going to do if and when your wife suddenly gets out of the fog and or the OM throws her out of his place for whatever reason.
Strength to you mate, you will receive blessings in due course. Good to hear your friends and church are behind you.
Me BS (34) WW (29)
Married 2 years
2y old Daughter
D-Day 05 Nov 13
There is no advice anyone here can give you other than get your attorney into action immediately and forget about her facebook messages.
the is no reconciliation going to happen here. Just protect yourself and your child and try your best to make her a distant memory