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Long, Overdue Update

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MsRukia posted 7/29/2014 00:01 AM

Well it has been a loooooong time since I posted. I thought I might update and start participating again. Especially since I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of DDay.

A lot has happened in my life since I last posted. Things got crazy. My oldest munchkin was diagnosed with Autism and was having a difficult time in school. I think we have some things figured out there but it is a process. My middle munchkin had 4 hospital stays in about 5 months time. She was really in poor health all winter into spring and I had to pull her out of school. She steadily getting stronger but we have another hospital stay coming up in August with another round of testing. My little one has a speech delay and is in therapy. Add to that a dysfunctional set of parents and you have enough stress to gain15 Pds.

I went to an intensive therapy weekend back in March that I thought was very helpful. I was told that I have complex PTSD. It helped to see that I was not crazy and also it helped me to understand myself better. I have been working hard on addressing my emotional challenges and healing. Therapy, journaling, meds, working out, etc.

My hubby did therapy and has worked hard. He has worked on expressing his emotion, talking with me, and addressing my concerns or triggers when they arise. We went to a marriage conference which further helped us to heal and build on things. We have come a long way in the last year. We still have further to go.

There have been some things that have made it hard. So if you may recall, OW is our neighbor. Her husband deployed in February. After he left I swear she went off the deep end. CPS was called several times for a variety of reasons. This lead to her husband contacting my husband and I. He wanted to know what was going on. Through a series of conversations there was concern for the kids safety, concern she was leaving, on and on it went. It turns out she has a boyfriend she moved in while hubby was gone. It's been crazy. Just when I thought I was done hearing from him or her I would get a random text. They are now both blocked from FB and my phone. He has been in contact with my hubby who feels obligated to be helpful. ( there is so much more but it would take forever to write out). Needless to say, with her being next door it has been stressful. It would seem however, that she will be leaving soon.

I am still struggling with anxiety attacks, stress, and feeling like my brain is Swiss cheese. I had to step back from here for a while because I was maxed as far as stress was concerned. But as my DDay anniversary approaches I feel increasingly anxious. I need the support. Not to mention a place to vent. Some of the support I had for a while is no longer there.

Oh and to add icing to the cake, I got mono from my kid a few months ago. I was doing well until I relapsed last week. Yeah it's a wonder I can even function at all. Anyways I'm back and ready to learn some more and keep walking this journey.

Neverwudaguessed posted 7/29/2014 06:31 AM

Sorry; I do not have any advice as my first dday anniversary is in September, but I wanted to tell you that I hear you, and have anxiety too, with far fewer non-affair stressful situations. I just want to say that you will get through this; you are so strong and have dealt with so much already, you've come through so much and you will get through this too. Keep posting!

bionicgal posted 7/29/2014 06:52 AM

Oh MsRukia, You have had a tough road this year! As if infidelity were not enough!

Infidelity is the gift that keeps on giving in so many ways, isn't it? What a mess with the AP. It must be at least somewhat gratifying, if horrifying, to see her as she really is -- kind of a train wreck. I am sorry for the kids.

Try to be good to yourself. I did find that once dday passed, I felt better -- no more watching the calendar for important "dates." I feel like the calendar is ours again. I will still always bristle and feel pain over a couple, but I am not longer thinking "this time last year. . . ". I am glad to never have to go through that again.

I am glad you and your H appear to be working hard. Try to keep connecting. Hang in there, and keep posting!

MsRukia posted 7/29/2014 15:46 PM

Thanks Guys. I am working on a lot. I will be getting a mileage check for work on Friday. I think I will take it and get my nails done on DDay, and just pamper myself.

I am so thankful he is patient with me, he hears me out, and asks how he can help when I'm having a severe anxiety attack. He never used to be that way. He's also helping more with medical stuff with the kiddos.

It has been helpful to see the train wreck. I no longer feel like he wants me to be like her. That she is a mess and that is not desirable to him anymore. He still has stupid WS moments, but they are much further in between, then they once were.

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