Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: Saad (61538)

User Topic: Trapped by triggers
♀ 43549
Member # 43549
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH travels a lot as part of his job, and this allowed him to conduct his A. He took OW to many places on his travels that are now off limits to me- hearing the names of them let alone visiting them brings me out in a cold sweat. These are both places I've enjoyed visiting in the past or would have liked to visit. I've always enjoyed browsing for and looking for cheap last minute hotel breaks for us but now I am really struggling with this because of all of the tainted locations. He also wants me to travel with him if possible but the whole job/travel/triggery thing is causing me great anxiety. He always used a certain chain of hotels that trigger me every time I see one, he knows this and would never even think of booking us a room at one of those, but that trigger has 'grown' to the point where just thinking about hotels in general is beginning to freak me out now.
Even places WE visited together or as a family during the A bring back memories of a time I want to forget and now also feel off limits to me. It feels like there is nowhere left for me and that thought alone is enough to trigger a panic attack some days!!!

I really don't know how to deal with this, I feel trapped- literally. Should I grit my teeth and reclaim these places as my own? Will it desensitize me to these triggers if I force myself into them? Or is it too soon?

Posts: 162 | Registered: May 2014 | From: The Depths of Despair
♀ 41323
Member # 41323
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi MissTrust, your story is very similar to mine although I'm a bit further out than you. About 3 months after DDay I decided I needed to reclaim the city where my WH conducted his affair with a co worker but for me it was too soon. We had a terrible time, I was anxious and upset much of the time thinking about whether he had walked the same route with her etc. I just wasn't ready. There is something to be said for desensitising yourself but make sure you are prepared and don't rush into it.
This is just my experience but I would recommend waiting until things are a bit less raw. Almost 12 months after DDay I can now stay in hotels with my WH without having a breakdown!! I still have triggers when he's away for work but they are less painful.
I'm sorry you are experiencing this, ((MissTrust))

Him WH
Married 5yrs, together 8
DDay 1 18.07.13, 7month PA co-worker
DDay 2 29.09.2013 (continued EA, kissed once)
Working on R

Posts: 75 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 2

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.