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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: My love language has changed...
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Shutup  Posted: 9:07 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone else experienced a shift in what makes you feel loved since the A? Mine used to be words of affirmation. Since the A, his words mean nothing. He's been doing all of the things that used to do it for me. But nothing. I feel like a completely different person. Nothing I liked before does it for me, anymore.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Chefj9
♀ 38604
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, my language used to be "Acts of Service". Now it's "Quality Time". I also need the affirmation, but the words just fall flat. It's frustrating, because what I need, he tries to give.... But it's not working for me at the moment.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also need quality time, now.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
kate0421
♀ 40819
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it has changed. But now I want it all, I may be asking a bit much but it's like I want to see him demonstrate all the love language to me. I want words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time and whatever else he can do to make me feel loved. The problem I have is communicating them. I guess I just expect him to read my mind since it changes daily and changes by what's going on in our relationship. Although I guess I am coming to realize .. WS isn't a mind reader...


ME: BS
HIM: WS
Together over 10yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 280 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Florida
steadfast1973
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly that.


Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Imissmyhusb
♀ 42734
Member # 42734
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, July 29th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think i underestimated my need for physical touch as a love language. I always thought time and service were more impt to me but now... I need to touch and be touched waaay more than i did before


Married '03 - multiple ddays and TT
3 kids
me - sahm since '07, him - idk him any more
~~~~~~~~~
I dont know why I stay. Need to figure it out

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2014
damaged13
♀ 43464
Member # 43464
Default  Posted: 4:20 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is quality time but quality time spent with someone I no longer love, trust, or respect is empty & meaningless.


Me: BS
Him: Lying Passive Aggressive Selfish Bastard
Dday: Feb 5, 2014
DD: Toddler
Status: Separated. He has done nothing right since DDay.

Posts: 54 | Registered: May 2014
OakStreet
♀ 41193
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine is quality time but quality time spent with someone I no longer love, trust, or respect is empty & meaningless.

I just learned about Love Language through my IC last week. WH was all about taking the test and of course, his language was 'affirmation' followed by 'physical touch'. No surprise there.

Mine came back 'quality time', but like damaged, I can't imagine. I haven't shared my Love Language with WH, because I am wanting to spend LESS time around him.

We are going to second round of MC next week - perhaps things will improve.


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 555 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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