Wow, you're amazing. I think most of us would cut and run, considering the length of cheating vs length of m. I hope she realizes what a valuable gift you have offered her.
OK, I understand the loss of self confidence, I eperienced it myself. I would be considered by all who know me as a successful, confident person. Good job, strong family, great friends... The behavior of my fwh laid me low, I lost all self confidence, all while my h was telling me how great I was and none of this was my fault. I think this is just part of the process.
The a was about her, not you. She married you while cheating. She obviously didn't hate you, she hated herself. She most likely didn't like herself for what she was doing to you and you just got the blast. Dont feed into the urge to try to find what you did wrong, what you could have done to stop her behavior. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't your failing and it's not your job to fix her crappy issues and boundaries. Your only job is healing yourself and making sure that you are safe from her craziness.
Down the road, when you're convinced that she has learned about herself and why she keeps making these choices, you might consider yourself truly in r. Without "consistent heartfelt remorse", you are the only one that is in r and that never works.
I didn't have any TT, but my h secretly continued email and phone contact for 18 months after dd. That killed any feelings of love that I had left for him. I thought he got it before, but it was at the point that he knew that I was done and ready to send him packing that the light bulb came on. I feel some of the loving feelings creeping back now after almost 18 more months. What a waste of time that initial 18 months were.
There is a frequent saying around here, you have to be able to lose your m sometimes to save it. Remember, the ball is in your court, you don't have kids together, your decision can be totally based on what is best for you.
The emptiness you feel will ease with time, but only if you either have a truly remorseful spouse or if you leave the m. Trying to R with an unremorseful spouse is a truly empty, lonely life choice.
Some ws just dont see how selfish their behavior is until the consequences smack them in the face. Don't be afraid to let that happen. You can't save her from herself.