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Wounds reopened

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choosehappy86 posted 7/29/2014 11:03 AM

One of the biggest contentions of our marriage was my husband having inappropriate chat/text messages with girls online. Our arguments got pretty heated to the point that I would scream, cry uncontrollably, and throw things. He would get mad only to come back and butter me up and say he wouldn't do it again. He talked to so many girls it was ridiculous and I knew it was a matter time that he was going to cheat if he haven't done so already. My husband claimed he met the other woman from online on Easter 2014 while I was away visiting my mom in Texas four hours away from where I live and this girl lived two hours away. He claimed they didnt get physical but first weekend in May he didnt come home and he admitted he physically cheated and that she could very well be pregnant.He claimed he loved us both and that he wish she wasnt pregnant it would be easy to let her go. I separated from him and went to my moms because he was torn between me and other woman and decided to just move one cause I didnt want to be in a love triangle. well he claimed that he didnt love her and that he loved me and wish I didnt leave. Over the summer we attempted to reconcile twice only to find that he still talk to other woman and chat with other women (even though he claim he has no physical relationship with the other girls he chats online with) and I would just leave again. At my moms I would have to rebuild my confidence all over again from the trauma of what he was doing to our marriage. So he asked me home for good and that he was willing to let go of the other woman and other women unfortunately I did not push for concrete proof until I actually came back home. Well he came and got me this time and left my car at moms house with plans that we drive back down a weekend to get it. So of course I am here trying to work out our marriage and yes he still talking to other women including the other woman. The story now is that she miscarried the first time in which he knows he impregnated her. Now she claims she is pregnant again by him and he claims he did not impregnate her but he feels obligated to keep in contact cause of the baby even though he doubts this one is his. well the type of contact isnt about the baby they was still acting like boyfriend and girlfriend and he didnt tell her about me. So I demanded he take me back home and when he agreed to I got furious and took the phone from him and told the other woman everything. Another heated argument between me and him. So right now I am hear waiting to be taken back home in this house of bad memories. Part of me knows I should just let go for good and not look back cause he is just not gonna do right. Part of me wants our marriage to fix if its fixable though I highly doubt it. What I dont understand is why bring me back here if he still didnt know who he wanted to be with??? Whats sad is that I gave him his freedom by leaving three times already. I am just so angry because I gave him an out three times. If he couldnt let her go then I would go so he could be with her but its like he doesnt want to let the both of us go and that makes me so angry and I feel like I have allowed him to just play with my life.

hardtimesinlife posted 7/29/2014 13:52 PM

Big hugs.

This is going to be hard for you but you must be strong. He is not looking out for you, only for himself. He doesn't like you making the decision to end the marriage so he keeps sucking you back in. He wants to have his wife and something on the side. Not Cool.

Get your car back so you have some freedom. Get your self-esteem built up and walk away, sweetie. Unless or until he does everything possible to fix himself.

NeverAgain2013 posted 7/29/2014 14:43 PM

Whats sad is that I gave him his freedom by leaving three times already. I am just so angry because I gave him an out three times.

No, unfortunately you gave YOURSELF an out 3 times and didn't take it.

choosehappy86 posted 7/29/2014 15:21 PM

hardtimes thank you so much I agree with everything you said and I cant wait to leave and just move on

neveragain you are totally right! I was always looking at him having the out but truthfully so did I.

norabird posted 7/29/2014 15:22 PM

Sometimes we don't know what our limit is until we reach it. It sounds like you are there now, understandably. You have given him enough chances and he has not respected them; so now you have to choose you, and accept that he is not going to change to be the partner you need. It's hard, but sometimes we just have to tear the bandage off.

ShiningAutumn8 posted 7/29/2014 15:58 PM

What I dont understand is why bring me back here if he still didnt know who he wanted to be with???

Because he's a pig and wants you both.

No the relationship is not fixable. Go to your moms and go no contact with him, get an atty, whatever you need to do.

He will never change. If he ever does give the OW up, he'll just find someone new at some point. Your whole life you will never trust him.

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