We have been married for 11 years, have 2 grown kids with 2 grandkids. We were always considered soulmates and had a great relationship up until about 2 1/2 years ago. I went through a dark period after a move from IA to TX, ended up with a DUI which caused a strain in our relationship. Over time we worked through things, I got the help I needed both for the drinking issues and depression and anxiety I had been going through and we wound up moving back to IA to be closer to family and the grandkids.
I thought things were going great, we had never been happier or closer. Then one Friday evening, he was acting very strangely. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I ended up checking out his email and found an email that he had written responding to a W4M ad on Craigslist. I was floored - angry, hurt and betrayed. I printed it out and asked him WTH was going on and he denied that it was his email, saying his account had been hacked. I asked him then to report it but he didn't do it. Throughout the course of the weekend, I ended up finding more emails (12 in all ) to various women responding to Craigslist ads spanning the 2 years we were in TX an here.
He kept denying everything at first then finally admitted to going on the sites, but would not admit to writing any of the emails and adamantly says he has not had an affair with anyone ever. After much back and forth where he argued that I had given him so much grief with my drinking, etc, I had no right to be angry about this. He finally did apologize for going on CL and hurting me like he did and said he'd do anything to make it right between us.
I went and met with our pastor and told him that he needed to do the same. He did meet with the pastor and is going to continue to meet with him to work through his issues.
In the meantime, I have had access to all his stuff, his phone, his email, computer, etc. He deleted all the emails (not before I could get them all printed out though) and I have not seen him going on any of the sites, nor anymore emails. I am trying to work through this, but the one thing that is still nagging at me is the fact that he has not been completely truthful in telling me that he wrote those emails. I know he did (who else could have) and he does too, but I need him to tell me that he did. Am I wrong for wanting this from him? Should I just leave it alone?
I know it will hurt hearing it from him but I need to know the truth from his mouth and hear the whys that come with it. Maybe because if he can't tell me that, then maybe there was something more going on? I don't know....he keeps saying that this was not cheating because he didn't do anything, it never went any further than the email. To me, its cheating, the intent was there to do stuff with the other women as I saw what he was offering them in the emails and he sent his picture back out to them.
I have been reading a lot of your posts and it helps to know I'm not alone, but I'm not sure where to go from here.