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Finding a way

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brokenmess posted 7/29/2014 11:35 AM

I found out one month ago, that awful morning just keeps replaying in my head over and over. He had taken the day off, mid-week to spend with my DD and I for her 3rd Bday. I had woke up early that morning and was unable to go back to sleep, I was excited about our day together. Then I hear his phone on vibrate going off- it was 6:15am. I thought maybe it is his work, he has to be there by 6am, and they forgot he requested the day off? I went to answer it bc he was still asleep, hey I'll let him sleep in and remind his work. But oh was I ever so mistaken!! I couldn't answer the phone, who was this calling, the letter "T" was all that was there, I didn't recognize the #. Then there was a voicemail, "I tried to txt & call u, u need to send me money." Well, I guess he forgot to let his prostitute know he would be at home, not to call?!? He confessed and says he only met her once, last yr, and she is blackmailing him for $? So I spent a few hrs begging for answers, while our DD was still sleeping. So, skipping ahead over a month, into my nightmare/horror story, I wonder why? Why reconcile? Why? And I am lost? Thanks for reading- there is so much more to tell. I have found some comfort reading others posts, first bit of relief I have had in a month, helps to just know I'm not alone.

bravegirl19 posted 7/29/2014 11:49 AM

I'm so sorry he has done this to you! You deserve so much better than to be treated in such a disgusting, disrespectful way...

I know this is still new and you are in shock, but just remember this is not your fault and you have every right to focus on yourself and your children at this time.


brokenmess posted 7/29/2014 13:58 PM

Thank you Bravegirl19 for the words of encouragement! I was hanging in there the last few weeks and these past few days have been so rough. I have so many questions and he gets angry anymore when I bring up that I want details. Then turns it all around about his feelings. You are right, I know I deserve so much better! I have always went with what my heart tells me and its so broken. We waited 10 yrs for our DD and he was seeking/having EAs with OW while I was pregnant. I wanted to leave then but I didn't bc I believed having a family would change him. We planned to marry after DD was born but I just couldn't plan a wedding after never resolving previous EA. How could he hide everything? I was so nieve to believe and trust! He even drained our joint bank account! I know I have to be strong for myself and DD.

[This message edited by brokenmess at 2:01 PM, July 29th (Tuesday)]

norabird posted 7/29/2014 15:26 PM


I'm so sorry. It's too soon for you to try to commit to staying and fixing the M until he shows real remorse. right now, the anger at you is beyond inappropriate and he is trying both to rugsweep what happened and to blame you for his own selfish behavior. For now, try to practice the 180 with him --

You say you aren't married and he drained your joint bank account--it might be time to get some legal protection by consulting with a lawyer.

brokenmess posted 7/29/2014 16:14 PM

Thanks Norabird. For the first few days after d-day I was crazy with wanting to know details, pushing for answers. I had done some similar actions in the 180 before finding it and reading yesterday. Yes it does help and trying to be strong and do more. I have just backslid the last few days bc I don't understand why he's not trying like he did the first few weeks? For the financial part- he said he was being black mailed, so over 3 months he took over $2500 plus out of acct. Or more, I have took away access to acct and he has agreed to sign himself off acct. Also, he has received lump sums of $ from various insurance/retirement accts, I just found this out and $ is unaccountable?

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