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Sorting thru TT

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loba1957 posted 7/29/2014 17:46 PM

When a BS discovers evidence of an A and confronts the WS what does it most likely mean if the A is then just taken underground? Is that a pretty good indication that the A has already become a PA? Or does getting their ego stroked become that powerful that they cant stop even after being confronted?

craig2001 posted 7/29/2014 17:53 PM

If the affair is taken underground, it means that it will continue and they don't want anyone to know. It could be only EA, no way to really know. But usually PA, otherwise why go to all the trouble of hiding it.

What did you confront your wife with?

Too many times someone will confront their spouse with only gut feelings or one little text message. And that is enough to get them to hide their affair much much better.

It is usually more than ego stroked, it is more like an addiction to excitement and or doing something wrong or something like that. That is why it is called the fog of the affair. No real logical thinking going on by the WS.

What kind of proof do you have.

You will need to watch and snoop to get hard proof for one thing. And then bring the affair to light. Affairs hate reality and the bright lights.

loba1957 posted 7/29/2014 18:03 PM

At first I had pics and texts on her phone. After confronting her with that I found out a month later that it went underground mostly thru kik.
Her A has ended but there was months of TT. I have tons of evidence but Im just trying to sort thru what I have versus what I have been told. And like you, it does not make sense to me take an A underground if it was just an EA.

craig2001 posted 7/29/2014 18:09 PM

So you now believe that the affair is over?

Who is this OM...do they work together?

What does your wife say?

You could have her write you out a completely honest timeline of the affair from start to finish. But make sure you want to know everything.

Have her write it all out now. And then see how you feel about if you have the entire truth or not.

loba1957 posted 7/29/2014 18:24 PM

The A is over. It ended last Oct and on top of that we moved 300 miles away.
WS and OM did work together which made it harder to keep NC going.
Thats the thing with TT...after awhile you dont believe anything anymore and it makes everything all that much harder.

Badhurt posted 7/29/2014 18:32 PM

LOBA

this was a PA. You know it but are trying to be in denial. The question for you is what are you going to decide to do about it.

Don't think 300 miles can end an affair.

What have you done other than confront to get some consequences or remorse??

Seems like she is computer literate enough to know all the cheaters apps for phone.

next step for you has to be a VAR in her car and a GPS on her car. That is if you decide to keep her around.

craig2001 posted 7/29/2014 18:42 PM

And your wife has said they didn't do anything other than talk?

Did your proof of pictures or texts indicate anything other than talking.

Have her write out the timeline from start to finish. And have her do it quickly, a WS can take years to do that. Give her a deadline of a week or something, but not too long.

After that or if she refuses, have her take a polygraph. At the first mention of that, she could start talking more truths.

Have she read any books about affairs like Not Just Friends.

Does she even admit she did something wrong? Is she even sorry?

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