how does one even go about accepting those words when they have been really tainted?
I am 3.5yrs years post Dday, with a remorseful WH who has worked daily to right his wrong, and I have no desire to hear him speak those words. What matters more is his daily effort to prove his love for me...that I do accept and acknowledge.
It is quite possible that one day you will be open to accepting his "I Love You". At 4 month out your feelings are very normal. I completely understand how you feel but try not to stress over it.
I remember telling my WH not to say those words to me. I know that it bothered him but he respected my needs. If it bothers you ask him not to say it, at least for right now.
This is a terribly difficult journey but with time, and a remorseful WS, will get easier.
Wishing you strength.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
I know he told her he loved her many many times but to see it written may have totally pushed me over the edge.
I am sorry you had to see that again :(
BS (me) 40
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years
4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA
Us together 20 years, married 17 and 6 kids
I always thought I was enough but obviously not!
How will I ever know if that is true or if he meant it?? I guess I won't. But appears to be genuine and remorseful, and is doing everything right. I have never felt so loved. He has definately changed. He says looking back at it all, it doesn't even feel like it was him and that when he thinks about it it's like watching someone else in his mind. It hurts that he said those things to her, but at the end of the day it's only words. Talk is cheap. If he had really loved her, he would have left me to be with her. Wouldn't have dropped her like a hot cake when I found out. Wouldn't have hidden her number under someone elses name- that's not love, it's shame.
We do exhange ILY's, always have but I no longer initiate because I feel I am betraying myself by continuing to love him and that I shouldn't love him at all after what he's done. Until I can make peace with the fact that I do, I don't think I will be comfortable to initiate again.
He too has said that he quickly came out of the fog and now knows that he never loved HER- he just enjoyed the escape. There is so much evidence in his actions backing this, but it is still hard. OW was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer right after dday and this doesn't seem to bother him- I know if he truly LOVED her he would have gone to her right then and he did not- he has remained NC despite her tragedy. He shows me more love than he ever has. Last night we discussed it and both of us were crying. He says that he closer he is to me the more painful it is too because he just doesn't understand WHY he would have done that and he hates how much he has hurt me. Really, he is doing everything right...Like I told him last night I know it is just going to take time.
It is just so painful. "I love you more than you will ever know..." That just doesn't seem like something you say without meaning it. So hard to process. The FXXXs were kind of what gave it away. On DDAY he immediately tried to say that the message was for me and he accidentally sent it to her (her name is close to mine) but he never talks to me like that so I was suspicious.
It's our 20th anniversary today so I think I"m just feeling things a little more strongly. I love where I am with my husband today, but I hate what has brought us here. I hate that I even have to consider how to process the fact that my husband "Was in love with" another woman. Ugh.