I also recovered texts and pictures and had to read the 'I love you' and 'I miss you' as well as the filth...it is devastating and those messages are burned into my mind. I can recite them word for word.
WH tells me he didn't mean it, he liked her and got on with her, but always knew he never loved her. Says she could have been anybody and it was the escape that he loved. I believe she loved him (or thought she did- she loved the bullshit made up version of him that she thought she knew),and wanted him to leave me to be with her, which he told her he wanted to do, but there was always a reason why he couldn't do it 'yet'. Tells me he never had any intention of leaving me but that he had to say these things when she asked him when he was leaving me to keep her sweet lest he lose the escape he needed!!
How will I ever know if that is true or if he meant it?? I guess I won't. But appears to be genuine and remorseful, and is doing everything right. I have never felt so loved. He has definately changed. He says looking back at it all, it doesn't even feel like it was him and that when he thinks about it it's like watching someone else in his mind. It hurts that he said those things to her, but at the end of the day it's only words. Talk is cheap. If he had really loved her, he would have left me to be with her. Wouldn't have dropped her like a hot cake when I found out. Wouldn't have hidden her number under someone elses name- that's not love, it's shame.
We do exhange ILY's, always have but I no longer initiate because I feel I am betraying myself by continuing to love him and that I shouldn't love him at all after what he's done. Until I can make peace with the fact that I do, I don't think I will be comfortable to initiate again.