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Returning to the scene of the crime

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 Flourgirl (original poster member #40937) posted at 5:53 AM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

So DS9 was cut from his baseball team. I was devastated for him. I told him they had too many players and found him another team. He loves baseball he sleeps with his glove. He is not the best player but at 9 I wasn't expecting him to get cut. Today I found out the new team I found him practices at the park my WH and AP had sex at. Well one of the parks. Does anyone have any tips on going back to that park. I can't put my DS through any more disappointment. He knows his dad had an affair with the girl who cut his hair. He hates this girl. He blames her not his dad. He hates losing his teammates he loved his team. I've got to find a way to go to this park and not vomit or cry.

BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

posts: 190   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2013   ·   location: Kansas City
id 6890565
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determinata ( member #42124) posted at 5:59 AM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

I'm so sorry.

Wiser people than me will have ideas but my thoughts are that, first, it might help to go by yourself and have a good vomitcry without you son. And second, after doing that, it might help to do something to reclaim it. Maybe have a pincic there or something to claim it as yours and your son's.

My husband has had sex with hookers a whole bunch of places but I have decided to claim the ones that are special to me as MINE. I'm not giving his affair the power to taint a park or church or place I love. It's taken awhile but that's been my path.

M 2007. DDay 2008
~10+ CL Prostitutes in 8 months
Divorcing SAWH "ActionsOverWords"
Me: Early 30s BW (also an adult OC) w Baby DS

6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay

posts: 288   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2014   ·   location: New York City
id 6890575
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determinata ( member #42124) posted at 5:59 AM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

dupe

[This message edited by determinata at 12:00 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)]

M 2007. DDay 2008
~10+ CL Prostitutes in 8 months
Divorcing SAWH "ActionsOverWords"
Me: Early 30s BW (also an adult OC) w Baby DS

6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay

posts: 288   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2014   ·   location: New York City
id 6890576
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determinata ( member #42124) posted at 5:59 AM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

dupe

[This message edited by determinata at 11:59 PM, July 29th (Tuesday)]

M 2007. DDay 2008
~10+ CL Prostitutes in 8 months
Divorcing SAWH "ActionsOverWords"
Me: Early 30s BW (also an adult OC) w Baby DS

6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay

posts: 288   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2014   ·   location: New York City
id 6890577
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steadfast1973 ( member #24719) posted at 1:42 PM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

Start going there alone, and allow yourself to feel all the feels. Vomit, cry, even yell. Then try and do fun things there, so it can be yours now. Tell the park, you aren't going to let them take places from you and your son. That that park is yours now. (Yes, I know, I told you talk to a place... I'm not crazy I swear! )

Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"

posts: 2303   ·   registered: Jul. 7th, 2009   ·   location: Kentucky
id 6890777
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 1:48 PM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

Yep, go there now and feel the pain, sadness, sorrow. Then make it a place for you and your child.

I do know how you feel,,, XWH and OW were in my house for a year. I'm assuming they've been on my table, pool table, sofa, tub, my bed, kids beds, etc.

I had to decide - like my friend who had robbers in her home --- were they going to control me and run me off, or was I going to be in control of the situation.

The more happy memories you and your child make there, the more bad ones will begin to fade into the past....

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5513   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 6890785
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 1:57 PM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

This park is going to be a place of joy for your son. He is going to have happy memories here of you watching him play all his games at this park. Even when he has children of his own, when he passes the park he'll be "This is where I learned to play ball, My mom came to all my games." I hope you can find a way to make it a place of serenity for you/him to enjoy this special time in his life..

(((flourgirl)))

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5513   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 6890794
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SMSA925 ( member #43955) posted at 2:03 PM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

I agree with Homewrecked and Steadfast. Feel all those terrible feelings and get on the other side of those painful thoughts, then make that your and your sons place. Replace those bad mind movies with good ones. This will be so hard at first but you have the power to replace bad with good. The goal would be that when you think of that place you see your son batting and fielding and laughing and running. Those positive concrete images can replace thoughts of things you really didn't see. Try to look forward, not back. Best wishes to you and your DS.

Me: BS; b. 1958
Him: WH b. 1952
Together since 1982, Married 20yrs at DDay#1
DDay April 17, 2014; DD#2 2/15
My ducks lined up, life is good!

posts: 859   ·   registered: Jul. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Phila. PA
id 6890801
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LivinginLimbo ( member #35004) posted at 2:15 PM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

I recently faced this demon as I needed to go to the store where they first met.

I was anxious. It was probably a combo of getting the limited edition item I wanted and knowing this is where they met eye-to-eye before driving across the road to a hotel.

After I made my purchase, I went to the coffee lounge section and had a latte. I sat there imagining what took place and just felt very sad. I didn't tremble, I didn't get teary eyed, I just was overwhelmed by a sense of sadness.

Now that I overcame this hurdle, I know I can shop there again. Hopefully you will also be able to move past what took place at the park.

BS - 65
WH - 63
Married 37 years


D-Day 2/12/12
D-Day 6/1/16 Caught him back online early enough that no physical contact took place but still devastating. This sucks.

posts: 1246   ·   registered: Mar. 6th, 2012
id 6890820
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krsplat ( member #43242) posted at 2:58 PM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

The first time will be the worst. As you and your son make your own memories there, it won't hurt nearly as much.

Me & WH: 50+, married 23 years, 4 kids, now D
DDay: 3/5/14, 7 yr LTA plus multiple ONS
Conclusion: Some things are just too broken to be fixed.

posts: 805   ·   registered: Apr. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 6890869
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 Flourgirl (original poster member #40937) posted at 5:50 PM on Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

Thank you everyone. I will go feel the pain alone. It's down the street from my house and I have avoided it for a year. I used to love that park but I have let it become a negative place. Well WH made it a negative place. I will be ready to watch my kids play here again. I must say I'm already crying just thinking about it.

BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

posts: 190   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2013   ·   location: Kansas City
id 6891143
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