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Returning to the scene of the crime

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Flourgirl posted 7/29/2014 23:53 PM

So DS9 was cut from his baseball team. I was devastated for him. I told him they had too many players and found him another team. He loves baseball he sleeps with his glove. He is not the best player but at 9 I wasn't expecting him to get cut. Today I found out the new team I found him practices at the park my WH and AP had sex at. Well one of the parks. Does anyone have any tips on going back to that park. I can't put my DS through any more disappointment. He knows his dad had an affair with the girl who cut his hair. He hates this girl. He blames her not his dad. He hates losing his teammates he loved his team. I've got to find a way to go to this park and not vomit or cry.

determinata posted 7/29/2014 23:59 PM

I'm so sorry.

Wiser people than me will have ideas but my thoughts are that, first, it might help to go by yourself and have a good vomitcry without you son. And second, after doing that, it might help to do something to reclaim it. Maybe have a pincic there or something to claim it as yours and your son's.

My husband has had sex with hookers a whole bunch of places but I have decided to claim the ones that are special to me as MINE. I'm not giving his affair the power to taint a park or church or place I love. It's taken awhile but that's been my path.

determinata posted 7/29/2014 23:59 PM


[This message edited by determinata at 12:00 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)]

determinata posted 7/29/2014 23:59 PM


[This message edited by determinata at 11:59 PM, July 29th (Tuesday)]

steadfast1973 posted 7/30/2014 07:42 AM

Start going there alone, and allow yourself to feel all the feels. Vomit, cry, even yell. Then try and do fun things there, so it can be yours now. Tell the park, you aren't going to let them take places from you and your son. That that park is yours now. (Yes, I know, I told you talk to a place... I'm not crazy I swear! )

homewrecked2011 posted 7/30/2014 07:48 AM

Yep, go there now and feel the pain, sadness, sorrow. Then make it a place for you and your child.

I do know how you feel,,, XWH and OW were in my house for a year. I'm assuming they've been on my table, pool table, sofa, tub, my bed, kids beds, etc.

I had to decide - like my friend who had robbers in her home --- were they going to control me and run me off, or was I going to be in control of the situation.

The more happy memories you and your child make there, the more bad ones will begin to fade into the past....

homewrecked2011 posted 7/30/2014 07:57 AM

This park is going to be a place of joy for your son. He is going to have happy memories here of you watching him play all his games at this park. Even when he has children of his own, when he passes the park he'll be "This is where I learned to play ball, My mom came to all my games." I hope you can find a way to make it a place of serenity for you/him to enjoy this special time in his life..


SMSA925 posted 7/30/2014 08:03 AM

I agree with Homewrecked and Steadfast. Feel all those terrible feelings and get on the other side of those painful thoughts, then make that your and your sons place. Replace those bad mind movies with good ones. This will be so hard at first but you have the power to replace bad with good. The goal would be that when you think of that place you see your son batting and fielding and laughing and running. Those positive concrete images can replace thoughts of things you really didn't see. Try to look forward, not back. Best wishes to you and your DS.

LivinginLimbo posted 7/30/2014 08:15 AM

I recently faced this demon as I needed to go to the store where they first met.

I was anxious. It was probably a combo of getting the limited edition item I wanted and knowing this is where they met eye-to-eye before driving across the road to a hotel.

After I made my purchase, I went to the coffee lounge section and had a latte. I sat there imagining what took place and just felt very sad. I didn't tremble, I didn't get teary eyed, I just was overwhelmed by a sense of sadness.

Now that I overcame this hurdle, I know I can shop there again. Hopefully you will also be able to move past what took place at the park.

krsplat posted 7/30/2014 08:58 AM

The first time will be the worst. As you and your son make your own memories there, it won't hurt nearly as much.

Flourgirl posted 7/30/2014 11:50 AM

Thank you everyone. I will go feel the pain alone. It's down the street from my house and I have avoided it for a year. I used to love that park but I have let it become a negative place. Well WH made it a negative place. I will be ready to watch my kids play here again. I must say I'm already crying just thinking about it.

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