It helps a lot that I have a stable place to live again and that I picked it out and have full control over what goes into it, so there's a big sense of ownership. I'm actually being very picky about what I bring into the place. I'm kind of a minimalist.
I got back to meditating today and back to cardio yesterday. Meditating has been hard to do, probably because I've been feeling overwhelmed and trying to distract myself from the present. But I did it.
Anyway, I'm just going to try to follow my own sense of what to do, and take it really easy on myself and basically pretend that things are already okay, because I think that gives me the best chance of a good outcome. I'm thinking my fears are illogical anyway.. it's just when I have trouble with energy or cognition I can get into this stress spiral because for a long time energy and cognition were all I had going for me... they allowed me to do well at my job and earn money. And thereby take care of my daughter and so on.
Anyway, I'm proud of myself for catching up on those things (they were important--school related, mostly), even though I can remember a time when it wouldn't have seemed like that much.
Even writing this is difficult for me today. My brain hurts.
I meditated a lot through the worst of things and it's a lifesaver. Which reminds me, I must start again.
It's ok to be mentally exhausted. Once you refill the tank you'll be right as rain and ready to take on the next hurdle.
It's really scary giving up control of stuff. I have a tendency to try to keep all the important stuff in my head. Today that just wasn't flying.. brain would not let me think, period. I knew there were no deadlines passing or anything weird happening, so I just turned off my phone ringer and got some rest.
I am unbelievably fortunate to have a period of time in which my work is both telecommute and my duties are extremely light, until I find my next job, and I hope that gives me the ability to heal out of days like this. It's really not just for work purposes either, that I want to get better. I want to be able to enjoy life/engage with my daughter too.
There's a meditation group that my current work offers that I'm going to find out more about.
"And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Sarah McMane
This is a new way of doing things for me. I think this relocation was my last "seizing control" move for a while (at least until I recover a bit more). Now I have to learn to be okay with not being able to do that, and just trust that things will work out... not very easy, but I've made all the moves I can and exhausted all my options for now, so... yeah.
You're doing great.
NIK took the words outta my mouth.
I agree - this has been a ton of huge transition, and you are doing a great job of handling it all. None of it's easy, but you are putting one foot in front of the other, getting out of bed each morning, and making progress. And you have a plan! That's a HUGE piece, having a timeline and a plan, because it means you can move forward as a reasonable but still effective pace.
Keep it up.
thanks for the encouragement.