With a lot of TRIGGER DATES coming up, I guess I need to know the meaning of pain shopping and the pros/cons about it. I have so much anger and we are resuming MC next week (after A went underground and he's been going to IC).
I have been completely on the fence since Dday 2, but agreed to see if MC will help. Am I just prolonging my pain?
In my case, I continued surveillance of my then-STBXWW after I decided to file for D. I planted a recording device in my house AFTER d-day#2, and caused myself pain while I listened to her pack for a weekend away with OM#3. I continued to monitor the cell phone bill and track her calls.
Why? It no longer mattered.
Pain shopping is asking for details that will hurt you rather than help you heal, like what their favorite sex position was or which bra she wore when they were together. It doesn't help you understand the A or your WS any better. It only adds to the mess in your head rather than helping to clear it out.
It might mean re-reading email and texts that you know will wreck you again. Or continuing to gather info even after you know for sure your WS is being unfaithful. Or continuing contact with an AP who is only out to hurt you. Or demanding apologies from an unremorseful WS. Pain shopping is banging your head on the wall, and none of us should do it.
[This message edited by krsplat at 6:51 AM, July 30th (Wednesday)]
I guess my pain shopping is bringing everything back up to what-was-then an unremorseful spouse. I want him to feel my pain and anger.
I know this is not helping. He could look at her and see love and the admiration-he-so-needs. He looks at me and sees hurt and anger.
I look at him and see a cruel SOB. Hopefully the MC will help us sort this all out.