The mistake that bs often make is thinking that r will begin as soon as we and the ws say it is so. I see people on this site sayimg they are in r after a few months, weeks, sometimes even days.
I understand the feeling, I was in the same boat 3 years ago. I wanted to save my m, I wanted to put it all behind me, I wanted the pain to stop.
Wanting to r and being in r are 2 very different states. My h and I were in varying states of wanting and attempting r for 2 1/2 years. There were times that I thought we were getting there, but it has been in the last couple of months that I can say that we have consistently been able to say that we are truly in r.
You need to stop worrying about him doing something stupid, he already has. It's time for him to put on his big boy pants and take responsibility for his own choices. My h has been the master of making poor choices at times in his life. I can't help him with that anymore, never really could. It's on him to be an adult and a good h to me.
He needs to show you consistent changes in behavior for you to even attempt to believe in the possibility of r. He doesn't sound like he's there yet.
R takes a remorseful ws who is willing to change his ways forever. A ws who is willing to look deep within himself and identify his issues and move heaven and earth to fix them. A ws who will do anything(legal and moral) to help their bs heal.
R also takes a bs who is willing to wait for the ws to get themselves together and fix themselves before they dive into r. A bs that is willing to lose the relationship if the ws doesn't do the work needed. You'll be back in this same boat one of these days if you jump too soon, only you may be too weak to pull the oars next time.
You can't take responsibility for a person disconnecting from their child. That's on them.
Give yourself some time. You're not going to trust him for a very very long time, maybe never. Your m has been changed forever, your definition of love will feel different forevermore. This is the legacy of infidelity. It just comes down to whether you can repair and create a new m that you can be happy with.