Listening to a podcast about sexual ethics does not make it ok to still be visiting these sex sites online. He can not visit these sites anymore, period.
He is jerking you around, no wonder your feelings change so often. Cheaters do this to keep you guessing, to keep you off balance. You need to get to a stable place mentally before you can expect to know what you want to do.
Nice guys don't cheat. One behavior does not negate the other. He sounds really shifty and his best attributes come out of excuses you are making for him.
Start the 180. Take a big step back and disengage from him.
When he behaves like a jerk he is showing you who he is, you should believe him. Stop bargaining for your standards. They are not up for negotiation just because he can't meet them.
However, I just go back and forth. I have been on the brink of D for days, closer than I have ever come and thought for sure I would be filing today. Then I feel like maybe there is hope as he is slowly (after every damn fight) seeming to get things.
I know for me, at least today, I am not yet ready to make that choice. I take everyone's advice here to heart and its left me very uneasy. When it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and EVERYONE says it is a duck... yeah I feel stupid for not listening. But I know I have to do it when its right for me.
I'm not sure I'd take advice from me since I can't seem to listen to it myself right now but I wanted to let you know you are not alone in these feelings.
Much like what BtraydWife said, no more sites AT ALL! This has been so hard with my WH, he keeps wanting to converse with younger girls and people he has had some attraction to in the past. Fact is he has boundary issues and doesn't get to determine which people are ok, he has proven to me time and time again he doesn't make smart choices there. Until he has proven himself that stuff is off the table. I think going cold turkey is the best way to deal with it anyway. Your WH should do the same, NO sites until he can learn to control himself and has proven it to you at the very least, maybe never again.
Met - early 2006
Started dating - 12/06/06
Moved in together - 02/2007
Engaged - 2/14/13
Married - 10/26/13
DDay - 4/24/14
(EA with, IMHO, an attempt to turn it into a PA. OW wasn't interested and told me)
Are these feelings and thoughts normal (?)
Any feeling or thought which is TRUE is normal. The only time one needs to ask about normalcy of thoughts or feelings is when they are FALSE.
Let's see how yours fare in a little "pop-quiz"....
addicts don't change.
He's a very good liar.
He's using me.
I'll never be enough for him
should I work up the courage to ask for a S?
Ask ? No. You don't need anyone's permission to S, other than YOURS.
6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay
He's a very good liar. He's using me. I'll never be enough for him". Are these feelings and thoughts normal or should I work up the courage to ask for a S?
Well, all those thoughts are normal. The only thing we know for sure is that a cheating spouse was able to lie easily and convincingly.
The rest is all just a big question.
You don't need to make a decision, now. The door to divorce should be left open after discovery of an affair, which always involves deception.
Waffling back and forth is normal after such a traumatizing betrayal.
Unfortunately the wayward spouse does not understand the trauma they caused by cheating
See an attorney to learn your rights. Watch your bank accounts closely and your husband's pay check to ensure it is being deposited regularly
My spouse had suddenly started depositing his check into a private account, and I did not notice.
If anything looks suspicious in the bank account or with his paycheck, alert your attorney.
He can advice you from there.