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The Library as a NB meeting place?

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GotPlayed posted 7/30/2014 12:40 PM

Since I don't have a lot of $ (it's all going to supports), I'm finding cheap/free things to do with my kids. I'm the geeky type, and so is DD8.

So I got her a library card and she was beyond excited. I'm making her take out one book at a time, to make sure she focuses. She's read two books (150+ pages) in the last 3 days! So we've been there twice in a very short time.

I also like the aspect of us getting out in the community and actually going into the place, checking out a book, etc.

So this last time, I saw a woman there, with a little kid DD8's age. No ring. We smiled at each other as I left.

Then it hit me. This is actually a good meeting place. The bookstore would be too, but stbxww had this pattern of going in, buying $100s worth of books and then not actually reading them. Wasteful and maybe a red flag if knew then what I know now (sure, not by itself, but put together with all her other brokenness, I'd call it an early flag as I'm trying to essentially reverse engineer this stuff).

Anyway, a nice woman at the library, kid in tow, looking at books, no ring, tells me a lot:
- Maybe D, or never M
- Interested in culture, at least enough to have a card.
- Non-entitled, as she's not going to the B and N to just buy a bunch of crap to fill her bookcases.

I grew up around books and I read a crapton (that's a technical term) when I was a kid. I left physical books for eBooks a long time ago, and I love the simplicity that gives my life (no need for a lot of book storage). But the sense of community, of belonging to your local city, got lost in that. Of course you don't stop and actually talk to other people at the bookstore much, but somehow I find the library an easier place to smile at someone.

Am I off the mark? Interested in what women think about this. Is it creepy to have a single dad approach you at the library?

Not ready for a relationship, but as I'm changing my behavior patterns, I wonder where I can meet quality people that is not at a dating site.

[This message edited by GotPlayed at 12:41 PM, July 30th, 2014 (Wednesday)]

norabird posted 7/30/2014 12:56 PM

I would LOVE to meet a guy at the library! I go to my local branch a few times a month and I do see it as representing some of my values. The perfect meet-cute

jo2love posted 7/30/2014 13:37 PM

DD volunteers at the library. I sit and read while she is helping others. It would be cool if a nice guy came up to me. You may want to check out the programs your library has. Ours has rainbow popcorn art, movie night, stuffed animal sleepover story time (toys not kids sleepover). These are free and gives you some time to talk to other parents.

sparkysable posted 7/30/2014 14:20 PM

I think it would be a great place to meet a guy!

Crescita posted 7/30/2014 14:20 PM

I spent a lot of time between classes in the library when I was in college. Would have loved to meet a guy there.

The libraries I go to know are much smaller, and family oriented, and Iím in a relationship so meeting someone isnít on my radar, and much harder to imagine.

Iíd say if you have an opportunity to approach someone I see no harm. Just be careful not to get a reputation for asking out all the moms in the story time group

GotPlayed posted 7/30/2014 22:13 PM

Just be careful not to get a reputation for asking out all the moms in the story time group

Oh man that sounds so sleazy!

No worries, I won't be that guy.

Weatherly posted 7/30/2014 22:18 PM

I met my best friend at the library, so, I don't see why it wouldn't work to meet others that way.

cmego posted 7/30/2014 22:23 PM

I've seen some cute guys when I'm studying in the library...make sure you cruise the "study areas"...that is where the single Mom's with sitter's at home are studying for finals

Red Sox Nation posted 7/30/2014 23:09 PM

Non-entitled, as she's not going to the B and N to just buy a bunch of crap to fill her bookcases.

I get that buying books is a trigger for you, so I won't go off on you too much, but, dude, really?

GotPlayed posted 7/30/2014 23:56 PM

@RedSoxNation - Heh, sorry, out of context. Actually, if it was only books, or only her hobby stuff I'd be all for it. I admire (and grew up with) wall-to-wall bookcases full of interesting books.

It's actually a trigger about buying stuff she didn't need at all and not being able to throw away or give away anything. There was a three car garage full of stuff that she didn't use but won't get rid of. Our last move for an "even-bigger-place" I set as a goal that I'd be able to at least get my own car in the now-three car garage. After a lot of effort, and a lot of cajoling that made her angry, we reached that goal.

It lasted three blissful months of me able to put my car in the garage. And then? More stuff, car doesn't fit again anymore.

So the trigger is not about books, specifically. That's just a manifestation of the red flag of hoarding, so I mention it.

I have decided I'm actually ok with not having a lot of stuff. So I don't want that stuff anymore.

phmh posted 7/31/2014 06:47 AM

If I were to try that at my library, I'd only be picking up homeless guys. I have a better chance on OLD.

libertyrocks posted 7/31/2014 11:57 AM

Wow, that is so awesome!! You're daughter is such an avid reader. That's so great. I LOVE LOVE the library. Always have since I was a little girl. I still do! And, actually work at one.

IMO, that's a great place to meet someone. You just have to whisper.

hurtbs posted 7/31/2014 12:03 PM

Hmmm... I don't think it's any creepier than at the grocery store. If you both have your children there, then I think that's okay. It will show that you both have similar interests and values.

Also libraries have a lot of kid and family friendly activities like reading horus. That could be a great way to meet other single parents. I suspect that the numbers would be in your favor.

Kajem posted 7/31/2014 12:46 PM

Congrats on your DD's library card! I just got mine for my new city. Beyond excited!!!

I've met great friends when my kids were involved in preschool story time.

Not creepy, at all.

Keep us posted.
K

WeepingBuddhist posted 8/1/2014 07:22 AM

I think the library is a perfect way to meet someone you might like!

tryingagain74 posted 8/1/2014 07:48 AM

I need a new library... mine is full of women with their kids or elderly men!

I say go for it-- if I were approached by a nice guy around my age in a library, I would probably be more likely to say yes to going out. If he was there with his kids encouraging them to read... well, that would be a very good sign to me since I'm an English teacher!

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