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Newest Member: silenceisnotgold (46036)

User Topic: The Library as a NB meeting place?
GotPlayed
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since I don't have a lot of $ (it's all going to supports), I'm finding cheap/free things to do with my kids. I'm the geeky type, and so is DD8.

So I got her a library card and she was beyond excited. I'm making her take out one book at a time, to make sure she focuses. She's read two books (150+ pages) in the last 3 days! So we've been there twice in a very short time.

I also like the aspect of us getting out in the community and actually going into the place, checking out a book, etc.

So this last time, I saw a woman there, with a little kid DD8's age. No ring. We smiled at each other as I left.

Then it hit me. This is actually a good meeting place. The bookstore would be too, but stbxww had this pattern of going in, buying $100s worth of books and then not actually reading them. Wasteful and maybe a red flag if knew then what I know now (sure, not by itself, but put together with all her other brokenness, I'd call it an early flag as I'm trying to essentially reverse engineer this stuff).

Anyway, a nice woman at the library, kid in tow, looking at books, no ring, tells me a lot:
- Maybe D, or never M
- Interested in culture, at least enough to have a card.
- Non-entitled, as she's not going to the B and N to just buy a bunch of crap to fill her bookcases.

I grew up around books and I read a crapton (that's a technical term) when I was a kid. I left physical books for eBooks a long time ago, and I love the simplicity that gives my life (no need for a lot of book storage). But the sense of community, of belonging to your local city, got lost in that. Of course you don't stop and actually talk to other people at the bookstore much, but somehow I find the library an easier place to smile at someone.

Am I off the mark? Interested in what women think about this. Is it creepy to have a single dad approach you at the library?

Not ready for a relationship, but as I'm changing my behavior patterns, I wonder where I can meet quality people that is not at a dating site.

[This message edited by GotPlayed at 12:41 PM, July 30th, 2014 (Wednesday)]


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
norabird
♀ 42092
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would LOVE to meet a guy at the library! I go to my local branch a few times a month and I do see it as representing some of my values. The perfect meet-cute


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
jo2love
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD volunteers at the library. I sit and read while she is helping others. It would be cool if a nice guy came up to me. You may want to check out the programs your library has. Ours has rainbow popcorn art, movie night, stuffed animal sleepover story time (toys not kids sleepover). These are free and gives you some time to talk to other parents.

Posts: 36783 | Registered: Mar 2011
sparkysable
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it would be a great place to meet a guy!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3564 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Crescita
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I spent a lot of time between classes in the library when I was in college. Would have loved to meet a guy there.

The libraries I go to know are much smaller, and family oriented, and I’m in a relationship so meeting someone isn’t on my radar, and much harder to imagine.

I’d say if you have an opportunity to approach someone I see no harm. Just be careful not to get a reputation for asking out all the moms in the story time group


“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3578 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
GotPlayed
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just be careful not to get a reputation for asking out all the moms in the story time group

Oh man that sounds so sleazy!

No worries, I won't be that guy.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
Weatherly
♀ 18222
Member # 18222
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met my best friend at the library, so, I don't see why it wouldn't work to meet others that way.


Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.


Posts: 4505 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
cmego
♀ 30346
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've seen some cute guys when I'm studying in the library...make sure you cruise the "study areas"...that is where the single Mom's with sitter's at home are studying for finals


me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced


Posts: 4283 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Red Sox Nation
♂ 26358
Member # 26358
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Non-entitled, as she's not going to the B and N to just buy a bunch of crap to fill her bookcases.

I get that buying books is a trigger for you, so I won't go off on you too much, but, dude, really?


When someone tells you who she is, listen; when someone shows you who she is, listen carefully.

Posts: 1921 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Midwest
GotPlayed
♂ 41294
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, July 30th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@RedSoxNation - Heh, sorry, out of context. Actually, if it was only books, or only her hobby stuff I'd be all for it. I admire (and grew up with) wall-to-wall bookcases full of interesting books.

It's actually a trigger about buying stuff she didn't need at all and not being able to throw away or give away anything. There was a three car garage full of stuff that she didn't use but won't get rid of. Our last move for an "even-bigger-place" I set as a goal that I'd be able to at least get my own car in the now-three car garage. After a lot of effort, and a lot of cajoling that made her angry, we reached that goal.

It lasted three blissful months of me able to put my car in the garage. And then? More stuff, car doesn't fit again anymore.

So the trigger is not about books, specifically. That's just a manifestation of the red flag of hoarding, so I mention it.

I have decided I'm actually ok with not having a lot of stuff. So I don't want that stuff anymore.


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
phmh
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I were to try that at my library, I'd only be picking up homeless guys. I have a better chance on OLD.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3538 | Registered: Dec 2011
libertyrocks
♀ 38924
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, that is so awesome!! You're daughter is such an avid reader. That's so great. I LOVE LOVE the library. Always have since I was a little girl. I still do! And, actually work at one.

IMO, that's a great place to meet someone. You just have to whisper.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm... I don't think it's any creepier than at the grocery store. If you both have your children there, then I think that's okay. It will show that you both have similar interests and values.

Also libraries have a lot of kid and family friendly activities like reading horus. That could be a great way to meet other single parents. I suspect that the numbers would be in your favor.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15345 | Registered: Jun 2006
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats on your DD's library card! I just got mine for my new city. Beyond excited!!!

I've met great friends when my kids were involved in preschool story time.

Not creepy, at all.

Keep us posted.
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5744 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
WeepingBuddhist
♀ 39139
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the library is a perfect way to meet someone you might like!


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 676 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need a new library... mine is full of women with their kids or elderly men!

I say go for it-- if I were approached by a nice guy around my age in a library, I would probably be more likely to say yes to going out. If he was there with his kids encouraging them to read... well, that would be a very good sign to me since I'm an English teacher!


FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3659 | Registered: Oct 2011
Topic Posts: 16

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