From the BW Died thread, that mentions the poor DD going to pick up the frame... I know the DD's feeling, more or less. My mother died when I was 13 (I have two older brothers, the oldest was 16 or 17 at the time). Mom's death happened about 2 years after S due to an OW and OC.
She died of an infection, but her life had been hell and she behaved exemplary as I remember it, and the immune compromise was established because of the A sorrow. Essentially died of a broken heart, everybody said.
Today my dad lives with me. I am helping him out because he has no retirement after a lifetime of poor money choices and bad lifestyle during a critical time in his life. He's living in my couch. He moved here to start over and we'll be bringing his family over as soon as he's established (or he'll go back if he can't get established in a reasonable timeframe). With this family (I love them all, even though I never really was very close to my stepmom, who's not the OW, and get along great with my little brothers and sisters) he has stayed for over 20 years so far. He told me about a week ago he still dreams about my mom.
He's helping out with my kids and such as much as he can, and he's responsible now. But needless to say the feelings are confusing, and something I've been meaning to cover with my IC. It probably greatly affects how I relate to women and also to other fellow men.
Last night I was flipping through pictures with DD8 and my mom's wedding picture came up. I talked to DD8 about her, without giving too many specifics. One day when she's old enough, I'll tell her.
But of course the pain was very much there again as I was telling her about my mommy, the grandma she never got to meet and to whom she has an amazing, uncanny resemblance in both appearance and demeanor. The wound had healed and I was able to show my mom's picture to the kids before DDay with happiness in my heart for them being interested in the wonderful woman that she was. Now that too it's a fresh wound again. And now I'm crying.
Goes back to my pastor's sermon: "People who cheat on their spouses create pain and suffering that lasts for generations to come".
They open wounds, and they don't realize the ones they open and the ones they reopen. And then have the audacity to reduce it to "a mistake".
Comments, as always, welcome.