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I just told him we were done

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painfulpast posted 7/30/2014 19:58 PM

Yeah, I know - it won't go anywhere - but I'm just pissed. He got home from work and took our dogs out (my knee is a mess right now). One of our dogs ran into the woods, and within 3 minutes I smelled skunk. Yup, he got sprayed. We got him earlier this year, and he was sprayed once within 2 weeks of getting here. We have 3 other dogs, the first two we got in 2008, and never ever have we had a skunk spray event. This guy, we've had two.

I love animals. We have 5 cats and 4 dogs, all rescues. I'm a vegetarian because I'm against the horrific treatment of animals slaughtered for food. I'm not against humane methods, but factory farming is a hell on earth few can comprehend. I mean it when I say I love animals.

So he's on the back porch, bitching up a storm. Every time anything goes wrong, he goes off as if his entire life sucks. I'm not exaggerating. It's July, and one of his bitches that I could hear was about the cold of winter in the northeast. He acts life his life is a nightmare. It's not, at all. Trust me.

So I told him when I hobbled outside to wash the dog that, as far as I was concerned, we were done. I meant it, and mean it. I'm so sick of HIS bitching, If we traded places he wouldn't be able to handle it. I've carried the financial load for us for over a decade. He was a 'stay at home' husband for most of it, because I made a lot of cash. He's only been back to work for a month, and already he's acting like his life is just so damned awful. Well, to that I say 'FUCK YOU!!!'. I've been the adult here for a long time while he vacuumed, did the dishes, took the dogs out, and collected porn. Oh, and he cheated during this as well.

So I discovered his A, and then the porn, and a lot more that I'm not disclosing - and 'laid the smack down', so to speak. He's done a lot better, but still, whenever anything doesn't go exactly as planned, I have to listen to a spoiled brat bitch about how bad his life is. All I ever think is:

Are you fucking kidding me???

So tonight, I said we were done. Hearing him complain about winter was it.

So yeah, I'm just venting here - but damn I've just had it with his bitching!!!

yearsofpain25 posted 7/30/2014 20:12 PM

Where ever you were just now screaming...I heard you all the way over here. If it's not too much trouble can you keep it down and maybe do something a little bit quieter like beat the shit out of your drums or something?

Sorry. Had to throw a bit of an icebreaker at you. Hopefully that made you smile just a bit. I did hear you PP. Your WH is a negative nelly and your rage is justified sister. Embrace it in the moment but don't let that rage, or him, rule you.


painfulpast posted 7/30/2014 20:16 PM

like beat the shit out of your drums or something

Hopefully that made you smile just a bit

It made me smile a lot actually. Thank you. I desperately needed that.

[This message edited by painfulpast at 8:17 PM, July 30th (Wednesday)]

imagoodwitch posted 7/30/2014 20:19 PM

The negativity in general is a marriage killer, even without an A factored in.

My WS is one of the most negative people I know and it gets on my last nerve

Hopefully he's gobsmacked now.

painfulpast posted 7/30/2014 20:21 PM

The negativity in general is a marriage killer, even without an A factored in.

OMG yes!!! And now I hear it and think "I dealt with your cheating and I still have to listen to this bullshit????"

I'm so glad someone gets how bad the negativity is, and how much it affects everything! Thank you!!

Pentup posted 7/30/2014 20:26 PM

Throwing an AMEN in here. If my H and I ever get divorced at this point, it will be due to the constant bitching and woe is me attitude.

((Painful Past and stinky doggie)))

[This message edited by Pentup at 8:34 PM, July 30th (Wednesday)]

imagoodwitch posted 7/30/2014 20:31 PM

It's painful to listen sometimes and because I am such a nice person I just let it roll off my back and a little eye roll as well.

It will be one of the factors when I file for D.

painfulpast posted 7/30/2014 20:42 PM

There should be an "I can relate" thread for 'Spouses of negative, life-sucking people"

What exactly did we see in them, even before the A??? Is there some need to punish ourselves?

imagoodwitch posted 7/30/2014 21:20 PM

The I Can Relate Energy Sucking Vampires thread sounds good.

Obviously my "picker" was broken when I met WS.

He was like this when I met him, his family was as well.

I don't know why I didn't run far and fast a long time ago.

Have you ever done it before? I would be aware of potential hoovering on his part, you know, trying to suck you back in.

[This message edited by imagoodwitch at 9:24 PM, July 30th (Wednesday)]

musiclovingmom posted 7/30/2014 22:30 PM

My first husband was like this. His new wife now works while he stays home (and high). Best decision I ever made was leaving him. Even with my current H's A, my life is so much more positive now. Hugs to you!

meleanoro posted 7/31/2014 01:04 AM

Good for you!!!

Honestly, the guy fucks around, leeches off you, and plays himself a violin?

(Are you sure you aren't married to my H?)

Funny what draws the line in the sand, isn't it? Yours has been coming for a long time. maybe t's the love for your pooches that tipped it over.

So, will you join the D/S group?

meleanoro posted 7/31/2014 01:05 AM

Ps-maybe the thread that's needed is, "married to a 10-year-old"

Ostrich80 posted 7/31/2014 01:21 AM

My ws is a chronic bitcher too. The kids and I call him, chicken little because the sky is always falling. It's so irritating to hear a grown ass man whine over the stupidest shit.
I don't blame you a bit, it gets old quick.

Sleepingbeauty posted 7/31/2014 05:41 AM

So are you really done??
Have your read any of the books on codependency?
They might help some. I get it when all they do is bitch. My stbxh bitched about everything. God it is nice not living on pins ad needles wondering what didn't I do. Is my outfit okay? He bitched about anything and everything.

painfulpast posted 7/31/2014 06:48 AM

Oh no, we aren't done. I knew that going into this. that's why I said it wouldn't go anywhere.

He apologized, and didn't bitch again all night, and said he was wrong for flipping out, blah blah blah.

He is better at apologizing now, post A. Before he would just justify it, twist it so somehow, it was on me, or that his bitching wasn't that bad, or whatever else he would say. Now he owns it when he's wrong. Doesn't sound like much, but it's a huge difference.

Sleepingbeauty, I remember those days, when nothing I did was right. I still get knots in my stomach thinking back to it. Didn't fold the laundry right? Didn't have the house key ready to go in the lock when I reached the door? Jeans had a wrinkle in them? Didn't buy the right food? You name it, he bitched. Why I stayed back then I don't know.

Sad thing is, the bitching got worse and worse, his self induced misery grew, and I gave up. I used to try and try to make sure everything was ok, but it was never enough. I finally just 'accepted' it was him and stopped trying to fix the world. That's when he cheated. One of the first things he told OW was that I didn't like him. Why - because I've stopped owning your misery? This still pisses me off.

Oh well. That was a long time ago. Things aren't nearly that bad anymore. If they get that bad again, or close to it, I'm walking.

Sleepingbeauty posted 7/31/2014 06:54 AM

pp- Glad to hear. I wasn't sure what you meant by not going anywhere. Even though for me my M is over I do feel good whe I see others make it. I still think I am mostly an optimistic person and for me the future has to better than the past.

My stbxh never tried to change and instead go worse. His AP is in for a rude awakening.

cissie posted 7/31/2014 07:58 AM

Don't know if I am allowed in on this one as I am a WS, but my BH is the same. The key ready to put in the lock rang a whole peal of bells with me.

If I tell him any bad news, niece getting a divorce, brother having a stroke, he gets irritated and asks why am I putting more burdens on him. It was just a point of information, so if he should speak to any of the family he would not be out of the loop.

It has got worse over time, but I have thought that it was due to my infidelity that he was like that.
So glad to hear that it happens to be a trait with other husbands.

FaithFool posted 7/31/2014 09:29 AM

My x used to throw hissy fits because I'd buy the wrong brand of cheese.

He'd grab the cheese and the car keys and take it back to the store when I refused to do so.

It's fucking cheese. Get over it asshole!

Don't miss that one little bit.

Charity411 posted 7/31/2014 09:45 AM

PP, I can relate because my sister is like this. Life is a never ending tragedy and she never gets to go anywhere. Of course I've had to take care of her cat and house about 5 times this year while she's "not going anywhere". Recently she was bitching about how she was going to be in England going to parties for much of December and she would only have two days to make Christmas dinner. This is in July. At that point I got up and left.

And I can appreciate the skunk story. I knew someone who had a Newfoundland and St. Bernard mix that got skunked. He appealed to me for help because the thing that worked best was Massengill Douche and he wasn't going to the store to buy it. So I went. I bought all 8 boxes they had in stock. I got odd looks in the checkout line. I can't imagine what kind of looks he would have gotten.

WhatsRight posted 7/31/2014 11:08 AM

I am glad he stopped his bitching for the night, but a gentle caution...

It is very possible that he knows that you do not really mean "it's over" literally. Using that repeatedly could desynthesize him to it and it will not have the same effect after that.

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