I am sorry if my post caused any more hurt for you.
I am so sorry for the degree of pain and depth of despair this opened under your feet. Thank god for 'grace' and also your insight that you needed help and treatment.
The trauma is real.
I am very grateful to our doctor and MC who were both wonderful and recognizing and validating that I had suffered a "life threatening" trauma. They were amazing, confronting and comforting regarding a number of times I acted out violently. They confronted my behavior but helped me to understand what was going on in my brain and nervous system that left me feeling like I literally had to fight for my life. Posters here on SI also confronted and supported me to break the cycle I felt trapped in.
I wish more people could get help sooner. I am so sorry for your pain but very glad you have SI and feel much better.