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Done and numb

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Hopeful74 posted 7/31/2014 07:46 AM

Good morning. I appreciate alll of the support I have found on this site. I am numb and sad today. My husband had an affair for 6 months. I kicked him out in the midst of it and he stayed with her for 2 months. He called me one night crying and desperate. I did not let him come home, but told him we could work on ourselves and eventually on us, if it was possible. Well, in the past week or so, he has been a little distant and we even got into it about the kids this weekend, which I don't like to do. I have been pulling back a lot as well because I was falling back into a pattern of needing him to soothe me. Well, fast forward to last night. I was feeling anxious about text messages I had sent him (I can get pretty ugly) and I wanted him to erase them. So, when I got home from the gym, he was at my house dropping the kids off (he had gone into my house to use bathroom without my knowledge). I asked him to let me see his phone, and he refused at first, saying he didn't want to, considering our last few conversations. He finally went to his car to get it, but sat in the car for a minute, looking at his phone. He came back up to my porch and still hesitated to give me his phone. I told him I did not want to read his texts, I just wanted to erase my texts. He did that and I stood to go into my house. He then tried to hand me his phone, which I threw out into my yard. I then told him not to come into my house again or I WILL call my lawyer. I went inside, locked the door and turned out the porch light, leaving him in the dark, looking for his phone. He tried me call me twice and I told him not to call me again unless it is about the kids. I have not heard from him since. I am so proud that I stood my ground and did not let him lie to me anymore! But feel stupid because I thought he really loved me and truly wanted me back. I have learned otherwise. There I no doubt in my mind he is talking to someone. And I want to text him so badly, but have not, which tells me how far I have come. But I still hurt!

WaryOptimist posted 7/31/2014 08:00 AM

Love it! You go, girl!

Hopeful74 posted 7/31/2014 08:10 AM

Thanks! I need more encouragement like that. He just texted me and I WILL NOT answer! I repeat I WILL NOT answer!!!

TimeToGo2014 posted 7/31/2014 08:33 AM

Omg, you are my hero!!! I'm so proud of you for getting past your urges. You knew something was not right/ him squawking about handing the phone over, then sitting in the car..ya , he was dirty deleting.

Stray strong. Going against what you're used to doing is SO HARD. But you're doing it and you should be proud of yourself!!

Hopeful74 posted 7/31/2014 08:58 AM

Thanks!!!! I'm trying! It ain't easy though!!

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