Does anybody else feel this way?
Is it permanent or does it go away? Am I going to be a toxic person for the rest of my life?
Do you have to re-learn how to have fun, or does it just come back? Or is it gone forever?
I donít know. Maybe Iím just jaded now. But, i don't like who i am becoming.
Not anymore. I refuse to let him do this to me. I will learn to have fun again, and you will too!!!
Your sense of joy and laughter and happiness really will return. Once you're ready, you can start to nurture it and seek it out; for now, I know it's scary to feel like you're no longer yourself, and to worry you may never get the old you back, but trust that this too shall pass.
What lead me this thought was thinking about one day meeting someone new and I thought but I don't have that 'thing' that might even attract someone ergo, I'm not fun. I also feel jaded by my how my life has turned out. I am not by nature pessimistic but I am empty.
I have no idea who I am.
Sometimes I just feel,too tired to bother being happy and that it is easier to just be alone because then you don't have to put on the happy face.
You are not alone in this feeling.
Hugs and strength to get happy
Not sure if it was her, me or us together but somehow forgot to have fun. Just started worrying about supporting the kids and dealing with the job and lost sight of the bigger picture. The exception has been sports and a few computer projects I've done just for myself.
My flat mood and the time that my diversions took up are some of the excuses she used to justify her A, which pisses me off of course.
The best revenge is living well, which to me means remembering how to chill out and have fun.
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
stbxwh used to get angry when I laughed, I love to laugh, I love the absurdity of our humanity, we should all be able to laugh at ourselves, we are hilarious, when we have a heart that is.
I am just becoming me again. It is not consistent yet, that will take time and practice. My situation may be different from yours, I was abused, controlled, just beat up emotionally.
I am playing music again, without criticism, I can paint again without having him try to control it, I can just be me. I can talk to anyone I want now. I can talk to the old lady in line at the grocery store, I can talk to the young man with the baby, I can talk to a neighbor, I can, no more accusations of infidelity or inappropriate behavior.
I am free to be myself again, it took me two years from dday #1, it took a 2nd dday, it took screaming my pain out until I could not speak but now I see how small I was living, because of his control. Now as much as it hurts that the life I wanted did not happen, now I get the chance to build a life that allows me to just be natural as I am.
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
I attempted R, he was a lie
I think finding happiness and fun in life again requires a combination of things. One is simply time, that dreaded four letter word. Someone said they felt tired. It takes a certain amount of time, rest, and mental healing before you can find the energy to do more than just get through the day. We've all been there.
Another part is making a choice, "mindfulness" as tesla put it. You have to decide this is what you want. HAVE fun. BE happy. These are active verbs and that means they require action and intention from you in order to happen.
The last piece for me was anger over the wasted time. Life is so very short. How many precious days, weeks, months did I spend being sad and hurt etc because of XWH? He TOOK those days from me. But he's gone now and my life is my own. My ability to be happy and enjoy it is 100% up to me. If I continue to be hurt and sad, I am giving up more days, more weeks, more months. Just giving them to XWH, and he isn't even asking me for them, he's long gone with OW! When I realized that, I got angry, and that sort of set me free to start enjoying things again.
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
I feel like that too from time to time. I remember when it was a breathtaking perfect day here in hawaii and i remembered feeling like i'm not a part of that day. Like I cannot enjoy the beauty I used to enjoy.
But for me, slowly came short little moments like when I play with the baby, play squirt gun with my daughter, hike, garden, hang out with friends, when I am aware that I am enjoying myself very much, and even though I'm still suffering very much, I am thankful just for that moment. I think we have to be open and receptive to these moments, and maybe these moments will become longer and come more frequently.
Our WSs took so much away from us. We all have lost so much already. You are entitled to fun, to happiness, DON'T let your WS take this away from you. Your life did not start with your WS, and it's not going to end without WS!!!!
[This message edited by stronger08 at 6:00 AM, August 1st (Friday)]
[This message edited by What2Do76 at 3:41 PM, August 1st (Friday)]
I finally said to myself "Fuck that." And started to have fun the way I used to.
Ever since then, my family and friends said I was back to being the old original "me".
Result? I became very attractive again. I'm dating a wonderful woman now who loves the way I have fun. I'm now happy all around and willing to contribute to this forum with my knowledge and experience.
[This message edited by Jduff at 9:49 PM, August 1st (Friday)]
I do practice mindfulness. it's what got me through the initial pain and trauma, and actually get some sleep. I do know that when i'm experiencing some anxiety, being present in the moment helps. I need to be more regular with it.
I did try the SSRI's for a month or so. i didn't really notice much of a difference. I know this sort of sounds weird, but i felt like i really needed to work through the grief and experience the pain of it all.
I'm just tired of having to deal with it all; the attorneys, the HR people, the realtor, contractors, bursar, etc. My divorce was supposed to be done on July 11th, but it's still not. Now i'm hearing it may take up to a month for my benefits administrator to pre-approve the QDRO. it's been nearly 23 months since dday, and nearly 16 months since i filed.
STBX hasn't had to do anything. While i'm spending my savings, evenings and weekends getting my house ready to sell, she's running off to Chicago with the kids on vacation or spending her evenings at her friends' bar.
I"m pissed off that she cheated on me. i'm pissed off that i learned of another friend today who suspected she was cheating but didn't say anything (didn't want to get involved).
i've got to rediscover the old me. quit being stressed out about things i have no control over, things not getting done, or get some help getting them done.
I hear you. This is such a process. Time it takes is similar but different for everyone.
Remember, it takes time. You registered in January? Try to be patient. I don't think you can force or hurry the healing. They say here 2-5 years. Ugh.
Being surrounded by memories after DD, then triggers that pop up frequently more or less stir up the whole deal again.
I had almost completely weaned myself off a med. for panic attacks when I jfo, and it had not been easy, so I did not go back on a med. and went without during the roughest time.
I still am having to relearn how to have fun.
It will come in short spurts, then you'll notice more. Then more. Try laughing at yourself sometimes, laugh when you can. I usually do not watch serious or violent TV or movies anymore. Love comedy, tho.
[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 8:11 AM, August 2nd (Saturday)]
Just over the past couple of weeks have I started to have fun and begin to generally feel better. I think this is largely due to the healing process, which for me has included counseling, group counseling, antidepressants, and lost of wine. I had to travel a couple of weeks ago for work to NYC. I had my evenings free and I gave myself permission (and really forced myself) to go out and experience the city. When I got back, I realized that I had fun and enjoyed the trip. That little taste of fun has done a lot to help restore me and remind me that I can have fun on my own.
<<Hugs>> It will get better.