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xwh showed up at my house this morning

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sparkysable posted 7/31/2014 13:11 PM

It was so bizarre. He was so confused and out of it. I still don't know what to make of it.

XWH has been watching DD 3x/wk and she has been in daycare 2x/wk this summer. So far it's been working out.

This is the text messages between us discussing this week, where I clarified which days he had her:

Me: you will have her the 29th, 30th, & 1st. She will be in daycare the 28th and 31st.

Him: I have her August 1st, not 31st.

Me: Yes. see above.

So he shows up this morning, after he himself had specifically said that he had her August 1st, not the 31st.

The doorbell rings at 7:25, I'm blow drying my hair, my DD runs to the door, I shout "Don't open that door! We are not expecting anybody!" I peek out and see his dumbass standing there.

Me: What are you doing?
XWH: *Dumbfounded stare* It's my day.
Me: "No, she is going to daycare today, and actually you specifically said you had her on the 1st, and not the 31st."
XWH: *seems out of it, takes his phone out of his pocket, pretends to look at it but didn't really look at it, didn't even activate the screen or anything* "It was today."
Me: "Noooooo, I'll even forward you the texts from you saying you definitely did not have her today."
DD: "I want to go to the bouncehouse!" (Daycare has a bounce house today)
XWH: *looks around confused, starts to walk away* stops and tells DD that he loves her and he'll see her tomorrow

Then he gets in his car and leaves. I forwarded him his texts clarifying, from him, and he never responded or answered my texts at all.

The whole thing just struck me as bizarre and he seemed, I don't know, vacant. Not all there.

GabyBaby posted 7/31/2014 13:17 PM

Hungover?
On drugs?

Ugh....sorry Sparky!

hopefulmom44 posted 7/31/2014 13:24 PM

Is he under any type of medication? Sometimes when drs switch prescriptions, the body take a while to adjust.

Please be cautious! Based on reading your post, he really isn't all there.

Lola2kids posted 7/31/2014 13:27 PM

Maybe he thinks he has her Aug. 1 and Aug. 31st?

Weird.

X misinterprets my texts quite often.
English is not his first language and his english has suffered a lot since he moved out. OW speaks his language.

He sounds like he maybe just didn't sleep well last night and rushed over.
Hope he shows up tomorrow.

sparkysable posted 7/31/2014 13:44 PM

Is he under any type of medication? Sometimes when drs switch prescriptions, the body take a while to adjust.
Please be cautious! Based on reading your post, he really isn't all there.

I wonder.

He had a head injury in November 2012 and at that time, he was out of work and was not allowed to drive. I would not let him take DD until he was cleared by the doctor to drive and go back to work.

I wonder if there is something going on with him, residual head injury effects a year and a half later? Or maybe Dr's did switch his medicine. Of course, he would not tell me.

He sounds like he maybe just didn't sleep well last night and rushed over.
This could be it too.

Maybe I am overreacting.

peridot posted 7/31/2014 17:22 PM

If you have a semi good relationship with him where you could say something and not have him flip out, I would say something if this happens again or you notice he is acting off again.

If he doesn't normally act like that, it could be something to do with his head injury. He may not even realize it.

tesla posted 7/31/2014 18:39 PM

^^This.

It's a very troubling incident.

suckstobeme posted 7/31/2014 19:37 PM

Wth?

I would call him tonight, out of the blue. See how he reacts and see if his speech sounds at all different. If anything sounds funny, DD goes to daycare tomorrow.

Obviously, if he sounds fine tonight and looks as vacant tomorrow as he did today, same thing. I don't know what it could be. I've screwed up dates and days before so it could just be as harmless as that.

I know you'll be diligent and keep your eyes wide open.

Nature_Girl posted 7/31/2014 20:25 PM

From your description something sounds "off". Does he take drugs? Is there something wrong with him?

PurpleRose posted 7/31/2014 23:24 PM

Do you feel safe leaving your child with him like that?

BtraydWife posted 8/1/2014 00:27 AM

Yeah that makes you really wonder. Somethings not right.

SBB posted 8/1/2014 02:14 AM

I wouldn't give a flying fuck except for the fact that he will have your DD.

Are you allowed to call the cops and report someone driving 'out of it'? I couldn't discuss this with him in my situation without him flipping out.

sparkysable posted 8/1/2014 07:30 AM

Well this morning I was watching him like a hawk, he was completely fine, all there, not vacant, etc. If he was like he was yesterday, I was ready to tell him something was clearly wrong with him and that he wasn't taking DD today and I was going to take her to daycare.

I have to tread carefully with him. He is a narc/socio and right now he is on good behavior because he thinks he is getting his way. I don't want to mess with that. However, if he was like he was yesterday, all bets would have been off.

With a normal person you could say "Hey, are you ok? You seemed a little off this morning. Is everything alright with you?" But I dare not hand him any ego kibbles if I don't have to.

Are you allowed to call the cops and report someone driving 'out of it'?
Under normal circumstances, yes. However, he works for, and is a supervisor at the town police department. So even if he was fall down drunk, high, etc. his "friends" would show up, and nothing would happen to him, they would cover it up, etc. I used to work for this same police department, this is where I met him, and I've seen this type of cover up occur frequently.

tryingagain74 posted 8/1/2014 07:45 AM

Glad that everything is okay for your DD's sake. An evil part of me wonders if he was distracted and out of it because he just got some really bad news... maybe he was having a DDay...?

DepressedDaddy posted 8/1/2014 08:30 AM

I'll throw another possibility out there, it is call triangulation or splitting. He may have come over purely to stir shit up. Sometimes people do this to get two other people riled up, so they look like the good guy/gal. In your case, I could see him coming over, so DD saw him and then DD say things like, "I wanna go with daddy." Then it puts you in a position of getting upset and he has thus accomplished his goal. This happens all the time.

Don't get me wrong, the drug/medication thing could also be a possibility, but it sounds more like a manipulative move, but then again you probably would know best because he was standing feet away from you.

My motto - Trust your gut! If it doesn't seem right, it probably isn't.

sparkysable posted 8/1/2014 08:44 AM

He may have come over purely to stir shit up.
Oh I DEFINITELY thought of this, and this is DEFINITELY something that he would do, and has done in the past.

gonnabe2016 posted 8/1/2014 09:00 AM

The simplest explanation of all is that he made a mistake. He got his days mixed up. Slept in a bit, then panicked upon awakening because he mistakenly *thought* that it was Friday instead of Thursday, jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes real quick and raced over to the house so that he wouldn't be late, kwim?
It doesn't seem as if he was there to cause any drama.....and his reaction could have been from embarrassment. Idk, just a thought to consider.

DepressedDaddy posted 8/1/2014 09:35 AM

It doesn't seem as if he was there to cause any drama.....and his reaction could have been from embarrassment.

Absolutely true. I know I've been sitting at home after work sometimes and said, "oh shit! Was I supposed to pick my DD up from school today?" I have always been fine. I have yet to ever mix up a day, but I'm always scared that I will.

sparkysable posted 8/1/2014 09:44 AM

It's possible I just have a hair trigger with him. He's done some fucked up shit in the past, so my guard is always up with him.

GetEvenInAZ posted 8/1/2014 12:34 PM

Not to minimize his capacity for shittiness, but my eldest had a TBI (traumatic brain injury) Jan 2010 from a car accident.

Four+ years later she stll has moments like this: confusion, spaciness, seems drunk or on drugs.

Cause is stress or lack of sleep (she's in college-go figure ) or sometime just poor diet.

We worked w her roomates and now her boyfriend to ensure she doesn't drive in this state.

It may just be temporary or sporadic, but definetly something to keep eye on though.

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