So, this weekend is FWH's 50th Birthday. I always thought that I would throw him a huge party. I can't. I just can't.
Affair season started last August. My birthday and our 30th anniversary are in the next few weeks. I am just dreading everything.
We are doing the WORK of reconciliation. Despite some painful episodes of TT this past year, I am convinced everything ended last November. FWH is trying to do everything right.
How do I "celebrate" him this weekend? I love him deeply and I know he loves me, too. I just can't think of what to do. I started to write him a "50 Things I Love About You" letter but it just made me bawl. So many things I love about him feel tainted because i knew that is what OW loved about him, too 
. We were the couple that everyone looked up to!
He came in as I was trying to write that list and found me in tears. I told him why and he just held me and cried, too.
Can someone give me a simple, heartfelt way to celebrate him and the beginning of a new start for us?
