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LeftOutintheCold posted 7/31/2014 13:54 PM

I tried on numerous occasions after he walked out on me to get him to talk about what happened and what's happening next. I finally stopped bugging him as he always had an excuse as to why he couldn't talk. Now, suddenly, he urgently wants to talk to me. Well, now I'm the one who's busy and don't have time for it. I really don't want to talk to him but I do know I need to know what the financial plans are going forward. He now knows I'm working my ass off at numerous jobs so I'm sure he's anxious to start trying to make me take over some payments on things. He's currently paying for the house I'm staying in, the car I'm driving and the phone I'm using. The way I see it, that's the least he owes me for how he treated me and the pain I've been in since he walked out. I mean, I'm on medication just to function because of him damnit!! Why should I bend over backwards to meet with him now that he suddenly wants to talk? I honestly don't feel like dealing with whatever it is right now. And, to be even more honest, while I know it's over and I don't want him back, I guess I'm afraid to actually discuss the ending with him. I don't know if I have the strength to sit through a discussion with him about making the arrangements to divorce. He wants to meet this weekend, but I work such a crazy work schedule, I'd really rather wait until next weekend when it won't be so crazy and I can have a clearer head to focus on things because I'm sure a lot of whatever it is he'll have to say will be bullshit. I don't think I'm in any way wrong for asking him to wait another week since it's taken him almost 5 months now to get the balls to want to talk to me.

dmari posted 7/31/2014 14:19 PM

It is clear in your post that you are not ready to have a sit down with him and guess what ... that's ok! First of all, any excuse he has for the A is bullshit. If he continues to blame it on your adult son moving back home or perhaps he has some new shiny excuse that, of course, will be your fault, why waste your time and energy on listening to it?

If he wants to discuss finances, he can do that in an email. That will allow you to read, process and then respond in a non-emotional way. If he wants to discuss divorce, he can also do that through email.

In time you will see that any discussion about "the demise of the marriage" won't really help you. Basically, WS's are selfish entitled cowards. Some here have additional issues (NPD, SA, etc) but that doesn't change their foundation of being selfish, entitled cowards.

A simple "My schedule is really tight so please email me instead". No apologies ~ just the basic truth.

LeftOutintheCold posted 7/31/2014 14:27 PM

Thank you for that! I don't know why I didn't think of email. That makes perfect sense. I really truly don't want to interact with him anymore. I don't want to see him anymore. I'm better when I have no interaction and I want to keep it that way. His text last night just hit me out of the blue and I've been a nervous wreck ever since and I hate the affect he has on me!!! I appreciate your words of support!!!

norabird posted 7/31/2014 14:58 PM

Do you have a D attorney? If not, get one. All discussion of payments, finances, etc. should go through a lawyer. Who is paying for what should be done in the D--otherwise you aren't going to be protected, because he definitely doesn't have your best interests at heart.