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What's wrong with me?

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Struckoutlooking posted 7/31/2014 16:08 PM

It's been over a year since the A's were revealed. We weeded through the trickle-truths, went to counseling and came out with a closeness that I never thought we could achieve. My spouse has not held back anything I have asked. She left this life of deceit behind when she ended the affair 5 years ago and found religion. So, why do I, now, have this uncontrollable urge to cry randomly? Will I ever be able to stable again? The pain of her affairs is difficult but it's the "looking like a fool" to the involved and the outsiders who knew what was going on that I'm struggling with mostly.

painfulpast posted 7/31/2014 17:34 PM

Nothing is wrong with you. Part of the pain comes from the humiliation that is felt. It hits people at different times, in different ways. In reality, no one respects a WS, and generally people feel bad for an unknowing BS. There's not much to be humiliated for, but saying that and feeling that are two different things.

BtraydWife posted 8/1/2014 00:21 AM

She may have ended the affair 5 years ago but your dday was only a year ago. You are asking too much of yourself.

It's generally said to take 2-5 years to heal from this. You don't get to pick a timeframe, it just happens organically if the conditions for R are right.

I know you are probably tired of feeling like this but you have to go THROUGH it, you can't just move past it. Be kinder and gentler with yourself.

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